


Constellations

by Clawrenceon, cym70



Series: Finding Stars in Desolate Skies [6]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Pearl Rebellion, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2018-12-08 16:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11650854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clawrenceon/pseuds/Clawrenceon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cym70/pseuds/cym70
Summary: A collection of stories centered around the Pearl rebellion within my Finding Stars in Desolate Skies series.





	1. Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! This is going to be the home for all the oneshots that I've been working on, featuring all my Pearl OCs I've created for Burn Bright. I hope you'll enjoy getting to know the rebellion! And as always, feel free to come find me on [tumblr](https://cym70.tumblr.com/); I love to talk about my characters!
> 
> If you haven't read the rest of the series, I would recommend it, though some of these will be standalone enough to enjoy them without it!
> 
> The rating will go up later, but I'll also put that in the beginning notes of those chapters when the time comes so you can skip sex scenes if you're not comfortable reading them.

Silver wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to being alone.

Alone was tentative footsteps in a dark room, scared that someone would remember she existed. Alone was a month of silence before gathering the courage to turn on the lights, to rifle through the leftover supplies. Alone was wanting to scream at all the emptiness around her and not being able to. Alone was days and weeks and months of making up things to do so she wouldn’t just crumble under all the nothingness. Alone was cowering in the corner and shivering at the first sound of another being padding into the little space she’d dared to think of as her own.

She’d never been more terrified than she had been the first time another gem ventured in, and she’d never been more relieved when that gem was another Pearl with no intention of harming her.

Crimson had wandered in from…well, she’d never really said. Sometimes Crimson said less than Silver, and it made her wonder. But she’d come in, peeked around the corners, checked for any possible surveillance, and then set about searching everything methodically.

Silver had hidden herself away behind a pile of old equipment, trying to stay perfectly still as she listened to the other Pearl move around, mind buzzing with questions. When Crimson poked her head around the mess and caught sight of her, Silver gasped, cramming herself against the wall and clapping both hands over her mouth like it mattered.

“Shh,” the stranger told her, eyes narrowing as she crouched down. She had a roughness to her that seemed unlike a Pearl, though there could be no mistaking her for anything else. “Is there anyone else here?”

Silver shook her head quickly.

“You’re sure?”

She gulped, nodding.

“Good.” Crimson relaxed a little, dropping to her knees. “Who do you belong to?”

Silver froze. She couldn’t answer that. She didn’t know how to answer that.

“Hey,” she said, leaning forward. “Are you alright? Why are you here?”

She leaned away from the other Pearl, drawing her hand in close to her chest to protect her gem.

Something in her eyes softened, and she looked a little less scary than she had on first impression. “I won’t hurt you,” she said in a low voice, sliding backwards to give Silver more space.

Silver watched her, wary eyes drifting between the door and the stranger in front of her.

“Are you alright?” she repeated.

She nodded slowly, then lifted one hand to draw an X over her lips with one finger.

“You can’t talk?”

Silver nodded again, feeling ashamed of her programmed deficiency for the first time in quite a while.

“Okay.” Crimson’s brow creased as she thought. “Can you tell me anything about this place?”

She bit her lip, trying to figure out how she could tell this Pearl anything at all and—more to the point—whether it was safe to do so. She watched Crimson closely, finding no malice in her expression as she waited. Carefully, she extended her left hand, letting her gem project in the space between them. It was a quick succession of images—Silver and the gem who had owned her, a spaceship, a gem shattering, the room around them, Silver alone. She hoped it was enough to get her point across.

“Oh,” Crimson said in surprise. “You’re by yourself?”

One nod, as she lowered her hand.

“And no one’s come looking for you?”

Silver shook her head, then paused and lifted one finger. She gestured to the room as a whole, projected an image of an indistinct gem removing the new, usable equipment. She was sure if she hadn’t thought to hide, she would have been taken with the rest of her owner’s things, but no one had ever come looking for her specifically. And once they had what they needed, they’d never returned.

“Hm.” The other Pearl seemed to be mulling something over. “Okay.”

Silver waved to get her attention, then pointed at her inquisitively.

“Me?” Crimson crossed her arms. “I ran.” There was a tinge of uncertainty in her voice, like she wasn’t sure she should be telling Silver this sliver of deadly information.

She felt a sudden rush of appreciation for the Pearl in front of her. _I ran._ That took a lot of strength. Silver smiled and dipped her head in respect.

Crimson looked relieved and twisted sideways so that the gem on her shoulder was facing Silver. It lit up with a projection of another Pearl, carrying swords. “Have you seen this?” she asked.

A surge of energy coursed through her and she nodded quickly, lighting up her own gem to play the recording alongside Crimson’s. Silver had looked at it every now and then in secret since another Pearl had shown it to her, and it had been a source of encouragement in her time alone to know that there was at least one Pearl who had not only survived but _lived_ without someone to serve.

“I want to fight like she did,” Crimson said in a low voice, and Silver could tell that this was honesty in its purest, most dangerous form.

_Me too_ , she tried to convey with her eyes, her hands, her gem, her whole self. _Me too._

And they weren’t built for fighting, but they learned.

* * *

Crimson brought Chroma in after one of her routine outings, saying she’d run into her in one of the corridors of a building not too far away.

This new arrival was unusual in her own way, the gem on her forehead noticeably off-center, and Silver was careful not to pay it much attention as they were introduced to one another. She wasn’t in any place to judge—neither of them had any say in how they were made, even if there was a clear difference in the reasoning behind their respective designs.

The new Pearl didn’t say much either, clearly still taking in her surroundings, but Silver was determined to make her feel welcome and—hopefully—learn a bit more about her and how she’d ended up here.

When Crimson had slipped away again to who-knows-where, Silver went and knelt beside the newcomer, who was leaning tiredly against the wall with half-lidded eyes.

“What?” she asked, looking Silver up and down suspiciously.

Silver smiled and put her hand out, projection flashing up smoothly to show two Pearls, one of them giving something to the other.

“Uh…” She stared at the projection, which was playing on loop. “You need something?”

She shook her head quickly, then used one hand to point at Chroma and one hand to point at herself before switching them.

“You want to give _me_ something?”

Silver made a wobbly so-so gesture with one hand, then projected text from her gem, something she had been trying to use more frequently for Crimson’s sake even though it didn’t quite feel natural yet. “ _Do you need anything?_ ”

“You want to know if I need something?” she repeated, confused.

Silver brightened, nodding.

“I don’t.”

Oh. Silver watched, disappointed, as Chroma ran tired hands over her face.

“You going to keep staring?” she muttered.

She ducked her head apologetically, then smiled and pointed to the fluffy mess of hair that cascaded around the other Pearl’s shoulders and down her back.

“What...? My hair?” she asked uncertainly.

Silver nodded happily. “ _It’s nice._ ”

A small smile ghosted over her lips. “Thanks. I think that’s the first real compliment I’ve ever gotten.”

Something in Silver’s chest sank at these words. They were a glimpse of something brittle she felt she shouldn’t have seen. She reached out to touch the other Pearl’s hand, waiting a moment to make sure the contact was alright before settling her fingers between the other’s and clasping them tightly.

She gazed down at their hands for a moment, like she wasn’t quite sure what to make of the gesture. “Anyway,” she said, separating her fingers from Silver’s, “thanks for asking, but I’m fine.”

“ _Okay._ ”

“…What exactly do you two do here?”

Silver smiled, settling in a little more comfortably next to her. “ _We live here. We learn. We want to be like the Renegade._ ” She flashed up a picture of the “Crystal Gem” Pearl, looking for a spark of recognition in the other’s eyes and finding it immediately.

“The Renegade,” she murmured. “I get the appeal, but why? What difference does another renegade or two make?”

“ _What difference does three make?_ ” Silver asked, turning the question around.

The newcomer blinked in surprise, letting out a small laugh. “That’s not an answer. Why do _you_ want it?”

She wanted to stop, think it through, give a clear and precise answer like she knew Crimson would have been able to. But the words that flickered out of her gem first were simply “ _I want other Pearls to be safe. I want them to live._ ”

Her dark eyes softened at the response. “That’s a pretty high goal you’ve set for yourself.”

“ _Not for myself. For everyone._ ” She held out her hand. “ _What about you?_ ”

“I think,” she began slowly, “I’d consider it a privilege to help.” She lowered her eyes, one hand scratching at her forehead. “If that was an offer.”

“ _It was_ ,” Silver reassured her. “ _And it would be an honor._ ”

“Then count me in.” A note of confidence entered her voice, making Silver smile. “I’m not worth much, but I’ll work hard.”

“ _I think that makes you worth a lot_ ,” she replied honestly.

The other Pearl hesitated, taken aback. “Well, I’ll…I’ll do that then. It’s about time I proved all those elites wrong.” She rushed on, trying to cover the complex emotions vying for attention on her face. “What do we do first?”

“ _A name?_ ” Silver offered.

“Okay.”

Her name was Chroma—her own suggestion, her own choice—and Silver liked the way she stood a little taller when she said it.

* * *

Aura was a surprise to all three of them.

Crimson had been quietly sprinkling hints of their little group’s existence amongst the rest of the Pearls, but no one had ever come to them before.

So when a gold-colored Pearl appeared at their door, anxiously clasping her hands in front of the gem on her stomach, none of them knew what to expect.

The first words out of her mouth, after she’d taken in the sight of three Pearls alone, were “Can I join you?”

The three of them exchanged looks, trying to figure out how to address this situation.

“I ran away,” the Pearl continued, eyes darting between them. Her voice was steady, despite how skittish she looked. “I need somewhere to stay.”

Crimson opened her mouth to reply, still looking thrown by this turn of events, and the tense expression it created on her face was clearly making the new Pearl nervous.

“A-And I have news about the Renegade!” she added quickly. “Please—”

“Come in,” Crimson interrupted before she could continue.

“…Really?”

“ _In_ ,” she repeated, ushering the Pearl forward and shutting the door.

“Sorry,” she said in a small voice. “Thank you. Um, hello.” She gave the three of them a tentative smile.

“It’s alright,” Crimson said. “And hello. How did you know about us?”

“Another Pearl told me,” she replied, running her hands through her hair to make it a little more presentable.

“ _Which_ Pearl?”

This was followed by approximately fifteen minutes of pointed yet polite questioning, during which Silver felt increasingly sorry for their visitor and Chroma looked increasingly bored with the whole process.

“She’s fine, Crimson, let her be,” she cut in. “She’s clearly not a spy—and if she _is_ , she’s doing a horrible job of it.” Chroma stepped in front of her. “Nice to meet you. I’m Chroma.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she returned, eyes wide. She dipped into a quick bow with a flourish. “All of you.”

“ _Nice to meet you_ ,” Silver offered as well via projection. “ _I’m Silver._ ”

She looked surprised, glancing between Silver’s face and her gem in confusion.

“ _No voice_ ,” she explained self-consciously, tapping her lips. “ _Special order._ ”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” The words held more sadness than pity, with a tinge of bitterness Silver wouldn’t have expected from her. Then, with a warm smile, “It’s nice to meet you, Silver. Your projections look beautiful; I’ve never seen anyone make them that crisp.”

She couldn’t help but laugh a little at the strange compliment. “ _Thanks. I get a lot of practice._ ”

Her cheeks tinged a darker, embarrassed gold.

“It’s good to have you here,” Crimson said, drawing the new Pearl’s attention once more. “Please, sit down. We’d love to hear whatever news you have.”

She relaxed a little and nodded. Her story wasn’t a long one—she was a witness, not a participant in any act of rebellion until today. But it brought something new to the ideas and feelings they’d been kindling on their own, to know there were other Pearls who had found the courage to begin something. Diamond’s Pearls, no less.

Their visitor seemed just as enthralled by their discussion, listening and watching closely as they talked more about themselves, but she immediately looked reticent when the question was directed towards her.

“I _want_ to be a part of it,” she began slowly. “I mean, that’s why I left. But…” She looked between the three of them, then lowered her eyes. “Would I have to fight?” she asked in a soft, scared voice.

“Only if you want to,” Crimson answered.

“I don’t.” Her hands were shaking as she ran them down her thighs, over an outfit that looked plain and horribly out of place on a Pearl that moved and spoke with such soft grace. “I don’t.”

“Then you won’t fight,” Chroma said decisively. “It’s not like we’d make you.”

She looked up, a hesitant smile curving her lips. “Really? I could still be of use to you?”

“Of course,” she said. “Welcome to…well, I guess we’re a rebellion now. Welcome to the rebellion.”

Her eyes lit up. “ _Really?_ ” she asked again, delighted. She took Chroma’s hand and squeezed it gratefully. “Thank you so much! I was worried you wouldn’t need me here and I’d…well, I wouldn’t really have anywhere to go.”

“Everyone has a use,” Crimson said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “And, more importantly, everyone has a place here. Alright?”

She nodded, smiling as Silver joined them as well and mussed the top of her already-tousled hair.

“ _Let’s find you a name._ ”

“Something fancy,” Chroma agreed with a crooked grin.

She blushed. “I’m not really _fancy_ …my Quartz wasn’t into that sort of thing…”

“ _Well, you can be now, if you want_ ,” Silver said with a smile.

“…Maybe just a little bit,” she admitted, muted excitement shining in her eyes.

“It’ll suit you,” Crimson said. “Come on, we’ll brainstorm together.”

Aureate was the first name that made her pause, and it was the one she came back to in the end.

Aureate, and then Aura because she wanted to be able to shorten it and she liked the softer sound of the syllables.

Silver gave her a hug as she finalized the decision. It felt right, with the four of them, so much different from how it had been when it was only Silver. She was thankful for whatever twist of fate let her wind up here, with other Pearls like Crimson and Chroma and Aura.

She was lucky—she got dealt a better hand than most Pearls did.

But maybe, maybe one day this would just be _life_ instead of luck. Maybe things would change, maybe “home” wouldn’t be such a foreign concept to accept.

Silver would fight her whole life if it meant she could make that happen.

* * *

She wasn’t sure when the three of them started considering themselves an “us”. There had never been any formal discussion of it at the beginning—she was sure if there had been, at least one of them (or likely all three) would have spent the whole time feeling completely unworthy of the attention. Instead, they grew into it, learning each other bit by bit and finding renewed appreciation for their differences. Chroma and Silver had been on their way to “us” before Aura came, and they’d been happy exploring that together, but somehow it felt more solid once the third Pearl was beside them as well.

They talked about it later, when “us” was long since decided and accepted, when they knew without asking that they would never be judged for any of their Homeworld-declared defects.

“It’s okay like this, right?” Aura asked towards the end of their talk, head resting lightly on Silver’s shoulder.

Pearls weren’t supposed to do things like this after all. Relationships, in any form, outside of passing acquaintances or, in rare cases when no one was looking, friends. That was the rule they’d broken the most since beginning this small home, and Silver was proud of that.

“What does it matter?” Chroma asked from where she was lying across their legs. “We’re rebels.”

“ _I’m okay with it as long as both of you are_ ,” Silver agreed.

“I am too,” Aura said quickly, leaning into the light touch of Silver’s hand on her waist. “I love being a part of this, I’m just not quite sure how _this_ works.”

“It works like it always has,” Chroma said, reaching for one of her hands. “We just hadn’t talked about it, and it seemed like we should.”

She smiled, sweeping a thumb over Chroma’s knuckles to assuage the inkling of doubt that had crept into her voice. “Then we’re alright,” she murmured. “I like this. I know where I want to be.”

They all did. They’d all spent far too much time alone, far too much time thinking that they would never be what they wanted to be, far too much time without anyone to believe that they were worth more than the slipshod purposes they were made for.

“Us” meant home.

“Us” meant safety and love and a million other things that Pearls were never supposed to have.

“Us” meant Silver, Chroma, Aura—complete.


	2. Legacies

Sky and Caddy were made together—made _for_ each other, Caddy always joked before she got a discreet elbow to the side. Their predecessors, they learned quickly, had made some kind of daring escape only a day prior. The Diamonds thought them long gone, but the Pearls they spoke to all clung firmly to the hope that they’d made it to Earth. Caddy thought it was exciting, getting to follow in the two rebels’ footsteps. Sky thought it was more than she could ever hope to live up to.

When she told Caddy that, the other Pearl just laughed—the loud, nasally laugh that should have been irritating but was usually just endearing—and told Sky she was overthinking things. Told her not to try and replace the last Pearl, because she was more than enough on her own.

It was a nice thought, and she loved Caddy for saying it, but it was hard to believe when the other Pearls stared and whispered and expected more than she could give them.

Caddy had it easier in some ways, because the Pearl that she’d taken the place of hadn’t been nearly as well-liked. But Sky wasn’t under any delusions that Caddy’s life was better than hers—she saw quickly that the other Pearl was all too breakable under her breezy exterior, that she had her own nagging insecurities that ate away at her.

They were both replacements, after all, and that was hard to forget.

Life moved fast for new Pearls though, especially Diamonds’ Pearls, so neither of them had time to process much of anything. They just kept their heads held high and tried to help each other through the confusion. Within days, they were officially part of the rebellion, sneaking away whenever possible with information, conveying it however they could when their mouths refused to allow it to escape.

They got names too, which was exciting. The rebellion thus far had seemed to settle mostly on colors for names, and Caddy all too eagerly picked out _Cadmium_ , her mouth sounding it out syllable by syllable and stretching out the vowels proudly. It was a _fancy_ name, she said, and Sky thought it suited her, even if it was kind of a mouthful. She was the first to shorten it to Caddy, and the other Pearl was delighted with the nickname. Meanwhile, Sky picked something simple and a little bit different, glad for a chance to distinguish herself from all the blues that surrounded her. “Sky” sounded big and optimistic and free, and she wanted to be all of those things.

The day they picked names was the first day she felt really, fully herself. She wasn’t just a Pearl, she was _someone_ , and there were people who recognized her as that someone. She felt so at home in those few minutes with Caddy’s arm around her shoulders that she didn’t mind a bit when she got summoned back to court and had to run off. She was glad her Diamond never paid her much attention, because it was hard to keep from smiling.

_Sky._ It felt like a gift, and Caddy welcomed her back with it the next time they saw each other.

They weren’t the only two Diamonds’ Pearls though. White—if they called her that in the short time they knew her, neither could remember—was also made alongside them, merely by coincidence. She was quiet and withdrawn and jumpy, and she didn’t join the rebellion. Other Pearls told them, when Caddy complained about White’s lack of interest, that it was only to be expected with White Diamond’s Pearls. They didn’t last long, and they knew it. There was a rumor that the long line of Pearls that came before somehow passed down this knowledge, but it could just have easily been others warning the newcomers of what awaited them. Sky didn’t have the courage to ask about it.

They never talked to the first White all that much anyway.

She disappeared without a word, and it was only later that Sky discovered what had happened. Another Pearl took her place immediately, and she was gone, becoming part of the crowd of Pearls before her who no one could remember very well.

Sky thought it would be much the same with the next Pearl, but she was wrong. The second Pearl was more talkative, working her way into their lives without much effort. She was forever nervous, but she was friendly and she asked to be called by name—the first of White Diamond’s Pearls ever to have one. Sky liked her, in the tentative way Pearls liked things that couldn’t last.

This White was a dancer, draped in frills and flowy things that were soft to the touch and comforting to rest her cheek against. This White clung to Sky and Caddy instead of shying away, because she knew her time was short even if she never said it aloud. She was with the rebellion because they were, and it might not have been the best reason to join but neither of them judged her for it.

This White, who Sky tried desperately not to get attached to, was perceptive, and she knew when her time had come. On the last day, she held tightly to Caddy and Sky and did her best not to cry as they said their goodbyes. Before her Diamond called for her, White took hold of Sky’s sleeve and leaned in close to press her lips against Sky’s urgently. Her skin screamed _don’t forget_ and soon she was gone, off to be shattered or harvested or whatever it was that happened to the victims of White Diamond’s whims.

The terrible thing, Sky thought, was that there was so little to remember. Maybe in another time and place, the kiss would have felt right, would have tasted like something other than tears, but they were Pearls. All Sky could do with this one was scrub it from her lips and let it slip between her fingers to the empty spaces inside of her. It rattled there, much as she wished it wouldn’t, reminding her that she was not Blue Diamond’s last Pearl. She, surely, could have done something for White that Sky couldn’t.

Caddy held her that day, quiet for once, and Sky was grateful for the long meeting that kept their Diamonds occupied. She tucked her cheek against the ruffles Caddy hated and cried silently, breathlessly. Caddy cried with her, hand tangling in Sky’s ponytail and mussing it beyond recognition, but she didn’t mind. Caddy always felt warm and alive, and Sky shivered against her until White’s kiss quieted, settled into every inch of her skin, and felt more like a promise than a burden.

_Don’t forget_ , she told herself.

They were more than vague numbers, weren’t they? They were Pearls. They deserved to be remembered properly.

The third White—the current White—was nothing like the second, and Sky was relieved. This one was strange, brash and fearless and disconnected. She threw her whole being into _living_. She breathed rebellion from the very first day and never stopped or second-guessed herself. She didn’t let herself get weighed down by anything, not even her rapidly approaching death, and volunteered for risky tasks with the full knowledge they could get her shattered if she was caught.

“I’m shattered anyway,” she always said. “Might as well make myself useful in the meantime.”

It didn’t leave her much time for socializing, which was good. Sky needed the space.

This White was Caddy’s favorite though, she could tell. She kept on trying to talk to her, trying to form even the smallest hint of a friendship. It hurt to watch, because Caddy was so earnest with her affection and White deflected it without a second thought.

_Don’t you know what you’re missing?_ Sky wanted to ask her, because Caddy was the best gem she knew and she wanted White to see that too.

It was probably for the best though. Caddy would only get hurt, and Sky didn’t wish that on her. But at the same time, it _would_ be nice if White didn’t always keep them at a distance. Diamonds’ Pearls should stick together, Sky thought. They could understand each other.

But this White was good for the rebellion, and she’d always be grateful for that much. Even if her confidence was a byproduct of her terrible circumstances, they needed Pearls like her.

But until the next White, it would be Sky and Caddy, together, like always. When the time came, Sky would be the one doing the holding as Caddy cried messy tears into her shoulder, and it would hurt but it would pass and they would remember.

In the meantime, they’d make sure no one ever called White a replacement. That much, at least, they could do for her.


	3. Matching

It was rare for anyone to be in Crimson’s office when she wasn’t there herself, so she was startled when she took a quick detour that direction one day and found another gem at her desk.

“Sky?” she asked in surprise. “I didn’t even know you were back.”

“Sorry!” Sky rocketed up out of Crimson’s chair, face going an embarrassed hue of deep blue. “I didn’t mean to intrude; I just thought I’d clean up a little.”

The messy stack of requests and notes covering the top of her desk had all been sorted out into neat little piles, and there were a few small trinkets on the corner that Crimson hadn’t had there before. “You didn’t have to do that,” she said lightly, “but thank you.”

“It’s no trouble,” Sky replied, bowing out of habit and then immediately snapping upright when she realized. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright. Stars know I’ve got to break some of my own old habits still.” She paused, running a finger along the edge of the desk. “So what’s the occasion?”

“Oh! There wasn’t one, really. I just…thought you might like it if it was a bit nicer in here. If it was more _you._ Although I guess it’s kind of silly to say that when I don’t actually know what sorts of things you like…” She gestured vaguely to the ornaments. “I just asked Aura if there was anything she had that might work.”

“They look lovely,” Crimson reassured her quickly. “And it was really thoughtful of you to do that.”

Sky smiled, looking relieved. “I’m glad you like it. I’ll get going then. I honor your service.”

She disappeared out the door before Crimson even had time to offer a reply.

* * *

After that, she only ever seemed to run into Sky when she was doing similar little favors, or taking on small tasks that Crimson had put on her own schedule. It was welcome, of course, but it also made her worry about the _motivation_ behind all of it. Was Sky just doing this because it was what she knew, what she was used to?

She’d never spoken much to Crimson after their initial meeting besides the usual exchange of greetings and any new information she had to share—though that part was more pointing than talking. And Crimson wasn’t sure she’d seen her hold real conversations with much of anyone besides Caddy, who seemed to have the unique ability to make her laugh loudly and unapologetically.

Maybe Crimson needed to try harder to get to know her. She’d _been_ trying, of course, with all of the Diamonds’ Pearls. But admittedly, it was easier to focus her attention on Caddy, the only one who actively sought her out for conversation, or the current White, who was such a risk-taker that it was impossible not to worry about her. Sky was so unobtrusive in comparison that Crimson felt like she’d accidentally neglected the task of attempting a friendship with her.

But even once she began consciously trying to make that connection and do something nice for Sky, it was difficult—mostly because Sky was always already doing nice things for _Crimson_ when she saw her. New decorations slowly popped up in her office, work was mysteriously completed before it had a chance to reach her desk, and meetings were meticulously transcribed so they had an easy way to look back at plans and ideas.

The problem was that Sky never really stuck around after completing said tasks. Yes, that was in part her Diamond’s fault, but other times she just seemed to prefer her pseudo-anonymity despite the fact that she was practically becoming Crimson’s personal assistant without ever being asked.

It was worrying.

_Next time I see her_ , Crimson told herself after a particularly unsuccessful attempt. Next time she was going to actually have a conversation with her that wasn’t just “thank you” and “I honor your service” and the usual niceties. Next time.

* * *

The next time she saw Sky, she was cleaning the floors. Crimson was sure no one had _asked_ her to clean—Sky, Caddy, and White didn’t often have the time to put towards menial chores when they were around, and that was perfectly fine. As such, she only felt it fair to give Sky the option of doing something a little more enjoyable.

“No, it’s okay,” was Sky’s immediate answer. “I’d like to help out where I can.”

“Alright. Well…would you like some company?”

“No, no, I’m sure you’re busy!” she said hastily. “Don’t worry, I can take care of it.”

“I’m sure you can, but—Sky, can you stop for a minute?”

She slowly set aside the cloth she’d been scrubbing with, nervous eyes rising to meet Crimson’s. “Yes?”

“You don’t feel like you have to do this, do you?”

“What?”

“I just don’t want you thinking you need to…to _earn_ anything. Or try and curry favor with me or anything like that.”

“I-I wasn’t trying to do that,” Sky said in a small voice. “I was trying to say thank you.”

“Thank you for what?”

“For being our leader. For not expecting us to do this kind of thing. And for inviting us here in the first place.”

“That’s not—”

“You always act like it’s nothing, but…but that’s not true. You do a lot for us and you overlook yourself sometimes, so…” She shrugged weakly. “I want to make sure I don’t overlook you.”

Crimson smiled. “You keep on surprising me, don’t you?”

“Hm?”

“Nothing. Thank you, that’s very kind.” She hesitated. “But could you let me give you a hand?”

“But…”

“How will you ever help me finish decorating my office if you don’t talk to me?”

Sky laughed a little, eyes bright and happy. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

Crimson looked forward to Sky’s visits more and more as time progressed. She was sweet and surprisingly bold at times, and she always looked so refreshed the instant she was back at base and could—sometimes literally—let her hair down.

She did that today, letting the curls spring free around her shoulders as she settled next to Crimson in the common room. “What’s on the agenda for today?”

“Nothing major.” Crimson set aside the screen she’d been using. “Actually, I was hoping you might help me with something a bit different?”

“Oh, sure,” Sky said easily. “What is it?”

“Well, I know there’s not loads to choose from, but I thought we’d go over to the storage rooms and you could pick out some furniture and the like for your room.”

“My room?” she echoed uncertainly.

“Well, the one you usually stay in practically belongs to you and Caddy already. And whether it’ll end up being your permanent one or not, you might as well make it feel like home, right?”

“Crimson…”

“Unless you’d prefer to wait.”

“No,” Sky said quietly. “No, I’d like that a lot. It’s okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

She shook her head. “I think I’ve just been hesitant to…to actually call this home when I don’t get to stay here all the time.”

“Well, you’re welcome to. Caddy as well, if you want to tell her she can do the same next time she’s here.”

Sky nodded. “She’ll probably be by soon actually; she had a few more errands than usual.”

“Then we’ll just get a head start, shall we?” Crimson stood and extended a hand, which Sky took readily to pull herself up.

“We should pick some things out for you too,” Sky added as they began walking.

“For me?”

“You barely have anything in your room,” she pointed out. “I saw last week.”

“How do you know I haven’t redecorated since then?”

“Because I know that’s pretty low on your list of priorities,” she said cheekily. “So come on. You have to pick one thing for each thing I pick. Deal?”

“Deal,” Crimson laughed, letting Sky pull her along by the hand.

* * *

Sometimes, when they weren’t working and Sky didn’t have to rush back to her Diamond right away, they just lounged in the common room.

“I like what they’ve done,” Sky said one day, watching Silver and Chroma and Aura. Aura had only just reformed, coming back in flowy golden fabric with little black and silver accents that seemed to brighten her whole appearance. “It’s sweet.”

“Their outfits?” Crimson asked.

She nodded. “I’d do it if I could.”

“With Caddy?”

“And you,” she said, eyes sparkling.

“Oh.” Crimson blushed, not sure what to say to that. She liked the idea, though she couldn’t say why beyond _this Pearl is important to me now._ Sky wasn’t the same as Silver or Chroma—maybe because Crimson hadn’t known her as long, or maybe because she was just beautifully new and bright compared to Crimson. She was different, the kind of rebellious that had taken root all at once, and it gave Crimson a bit more hope than she’d dared to have at the start of their rebellion.

She was afraid that hadn’t been quite enough of a response, that Sky would think she didn’t like the idea, but when she looked up, the other Pearl was smiling.

“Maybe we could,” Crimson said, hoping she was returning the warmth in Sky’s eyes. She tugged the end of her ponytail over her shoulder and glanced up at Sky’s briefly before shapeshifting the plain band holding it in place into the softer design of Sky’s. “Something like this?”

“You’d do that?” Sky asked hopefully, fingers reaching out to touch it in delight. “Really?”

“I’d love to.”

Sky hugged her tight, happy laughter bubbling over. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Her radiance didn’t fade once, even when she had to take off five minutes later, and Crimson spent the rest of the day smiling and hoping Sky would come running back in as soon as she was able.


	4. Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's Clawrenceon here! Normally you'll find me posting the official character designs for the series's OC with each new chapter of Burn Bright. But with all the time I get to spend working with Cym on the series and bouncing ideas off of each other, I've had the pleasure of recruiting a few Pearls of my own into the Rebellion, and I can't wait to share more about them with you all!
> 
> You can expect me to crop up here every now and again with oneshots of my own between the regular update schedule. And a huge thank you to Cym for all of her encouragement in our collaborations!
> 
> \---
> 
> Note: Chapter Content Warning for Suicide

Pearls are not made with the capacity for love in mind.

Few of their numbers ever hear such a foreign thought in service. Fewer still ever experience it as such. They are meant to be hollow, to hold, to be delicate hands to carry too heavy loads. Love is wasted on them, this much is assured to each and every gem.

So when a freshly formed Pearl, less than a solar cycle into her service as replacement, hears such ideas from the other side of a door as she polishes the marble floors, she does not know what to make of them. Does not know what to make of two long-lived Quartz, little more than status symbols to her owner in this millennium, who lounge lazily in their cubby room finding off-color ways to pass the time.

Often, this Pearl quickly learns, they can hardly be bothered to lock the door behind their sentimentality, rushing to their room with a lightness in their steps the moment her owner has gone. Of course they know she is there, know she is routinely left behind for safekeeping. Know she goes about her work dusting this and moving that, tripping over her own feet as she scurries past their door. But there’s no need to worry if the door is left ajar. The wandering eyes of a Pearl do not truly see, after all.

It’s drifting through these cracks that this Pearl, one day to be known as Orchid – as Ory, gets her first taste of what intimacy is like. Words drifting through the silence believed to fall on deaf ears – ‘lover’, ‘kiss’, ‘comfort’ – for even if a Pearl should hear them, they do not think, they do not comment. Behind her cupped hands she mouths the syllables to feel the formation on her tongue, assuring herself there can be no harm if they never leave her lips.

But as the gap in the door widens, she sees things too – actions put to words that no gem ever need tell her aren’t allowed here — and they make her face burn deep honey and her gem sear with ache and _oh_ a Pearl shouldn't be feeling these things _and yet_.

She can barely glance at what she sees the first dozen times, before hurriedly slamming the door and pressing her back against the shiver of cold metal. Though she doesn’t need to breathe, she does it all the same. Sliding down the door as she presses the palms of her hands against her eyes until all she sees is stardust dancing before her and not lips pressed together in a way she can only think of as sweetly, fingers threading skillfully into hair, gems being handled so confidently.

Keening sounds like pain ring through her head, but they only stir something deep in her nacre that tells her those aren't cries of pain at all. And she finds herself more and more mimicking her glances, running her fingertips along her lips, pulling her hands under the safety of her shawl to tease along the lacey sweetheart of her leotard. Because she’s always such a fidgety Pearl no one will notice. Hope and curiosity brimming inside of her a want so desperate to know what it must be like to love and be loved. To trust someone so intimately and let them touch you so surely.

But she is only a Pearl.

There is only one other she knows. One other Pearl with a stony stare unwavering, to whom she stammers out one day what she has seen. And this Pearl thinks her very foolish to even bother with such thoughts. There is no such thing as love.

But she sees things that tell her otherwise, now that she knows where to look. The tiniest brush of trembling fingers or bare shoulders pressed together when court is called and a dozen different Pearls from a dozen different facets file into a side room while their owners discuss stars-knows-what before their Diamond. Some of their number cry softly. Others, like the stony-eyed Pearl she takes her rest cycles with, sit still, eyes far off and hollow. Still more try and rest, some pick at the gossamer on their outfits, a rare few chatter lowly. Ory watches them all from her perch on the outer edge of the room, back pressed against the wall, wholly unnoticed by the others.

Sometimes she sits by the stony-eyed Pearl for the modicum of familiarity she offers, and even then no one bares her more than a passing glance. She can't say she isn't somewhat relieved when her owner gets antsy and requires her to stand at her side in court with her head bowed, less than a face in a crowd.

At least here she never has to imagine what it would be like to know love from the gems around her.

She can't ever say if the other Pearl is particular to her or not. So many rest cycles pass in silence, two small Pearls in a too big room where hundreds once rested before they were scrapped alongside their owners. She can count on her hands how many words they've spared.

Until a day comes that breaks this silence, when the stony-eyed Pearl walks in, wobbling slightly over the threshold and shivering in the stale air. Her stockings are pulled high on her thighs, sleeves down to her wrists, and Ory just _knows_. Magenta eyes hidden under her bangs settle on the dulled surface of a gem barely left any space to breathe, her hand flinching back under her shawl when their knuckles brush on accident – the touch of skin searing like the sun.

As much as she hoped otherwise, she knew the day would come when this Pearl would stumble over her feet, collapsing just inside the doorway. Extra fabric scattering into gorgeous starlight to lay bare to Ory all the bruises that weigh down her arms, her legs, her throat.

She can't keep going on like this.

But Ory can do nothing as she watches her break, her hands shoved away when she tries to comfort this Pearl when she sobs and clamps her hands down tight over her bruised arms as if her small hands could ever hide what is happening to her. She tries out feeble excuses. She tripped, she slipped, she fell; but a Pearl doesn't have the strength to fall so hard. Not like this.

Soon the rest cycle comes again, and they both just know – only one of them will be back for the next. And finally. _Finally_ her stony eyes give, and her bare shoulders shake, and she's wracked with tremors, so tired and scared and alone.

And when Ory offers her open arms one last time, this Pearl falls into them so effortlessly, clinging to her as she sobs into Ory's shawl with a shattering crack of a sound pulled from her lips. It's nothing like Ory’s heard behind closed doors, but it aches in her gem all the same. And she can't help the heat building in her chest when the Pearl pulls back, settles her hands either side of Ory's face as tears trickle down her cheeks and neck, disappearing into her shawl.

Her breathing is heavy on Ory's lips when she leans in, hovers just out of reach, and she’s never known such yearning. Their noses brush and eyelids flutter, lid, and her breath catches.

But the kiss never comes, tears pouring over the Pearl's eyes as she drops her head, sobs as she buries it against Ory's neck as she just _can't_.

And when she can't hold herself up any longer, when her body is so weak and tired and sore, she pushes Ory down, cleaves against her as she guides arms up and legs in between with the confidence of a thousand years and Ory doesn't know if this is love, but she's crying too hard to care.

Just before the rest cycle ends, the Pearl untangles herself slowly and the world feels cold without her there. Her eyes are no less watery as she runs her hands down Ory's face and, stars, she wants to lean into her touch.

When she pulls away, she speaks, "Please, run. You'll know when."

And then they're called away. Two simple commands barked into the room, to fuss over their owners since court is called in the evening and one simply must look their best in the presence of a Diamond. But Ory's hands are shaking as she combs out her owner's hair, hooks it up with dozens of material baubles from a dozen different planets, and slips bracelets and rings onto out held hands. Hands clasp nervously together under her shawl as her owner gives herself a look over. She finds her handiwork agreeable and Ory’s gem feels cold as she follows her a half step behind to Facet One.

By the time all requested are assembled, Ory has taken up her post. Her bangs fall slightly forward with her bowed head, and she can barely spot the other Pearl. She's far across the room, slowly working her way with her owner towards the front of the crowd. Her form looks as shaky as Ory's feels, arms coming up and in as she clutches anxiously onto the inside of her shawl to wait.

And when Yellow Diamond rises to walk about as she talks, Ory sees the twitch of a body coiling, ready to move.

_Did they ever tell you about the Pearl you replaced?_

The world is in stasis as the stony-eyed Pearl suddenly bolts forward, faster than ever thought possible, straight into the Diamond's path.

 _She was stepped on during court, a complete accident, in a way that no gem can come back from_.

Ory's stumbling back, eyes wide and terrified as she understands, trying to clear the crowd she falls into, turning away just as she hears the sickening crunch of a gem ground to a fine powder under her Diamond's heel.

She darts through the crowd, weaving between gems murmuring at the spectacle, too occupied to notice her. Clearing the door just as a raucous laughter echoes through the throne room, something welling deep inside her gem. Tears burn in her eyes as she runs and runs and runs and she has nowhere to go, but stars she will run.

_You look a lot like her, you know._

And she doesn't know if this is love, but it is excruciating, and it is hers.

* * *

By the time her feet give out, stumbling over some mangled scrap of long abandoned gem tech, she is far beyond the central hub of Homeworld. Beyond the fringes, where once-polished stone crumbles underneath the cored out sinkholes of an eons-old kindergarten collapsing under its own weight. The first wall she sees, she clumsily scales, getting as high as she can with her shaking hands.

When she can do no more, she pulls herself into the nearest hole and crawls all the way to the back where she collapses in exhaustion. Legs pulled to her chest as she curls up on the floor of someone else’s hole and shivers under her shawl for warmth – the ever-present sun unable to reach what remains of Facet Seven.

Here she shuts down the moment her cheek finds a half decent patch of stone to lay against, spending more time than she knows doing little more than weeping until she enters a sleep-like state. Only to rouse again sometime later, remember how her trembling form arrived here, and repeat the process over and over again.

Some days she wonders if her hole, too, will collapse like the others around it, and finds sleep escapes her then. Every little pebble falling or roving eye humming soon drives her stir-crazy, forcing her to stay awake listening to a chorus of voices that seem to echo deep within the silence of the kindergarten and seed the worry she’s gone cracked.

If she is, she comes to accept one day, then best to make the time she has worth something. A quarter-cycle spent huddled in the same place is finally broken as she stretches the stiffness from her legs and arms and drops down from her hole with little grace – shawl flipping up in the fall and blinding her from sticking the landing.

Tentatively, she sets out in a small radius around her hole, exploring the area for anything of interest. Bits of rocks and shards of injectors are collected in her shawl to bring back up to her hole and occupy herself with. Though every time she leaves, she has a hard time telling which of the holes she was in before and stays in several until she has the layout of the place memorized and she can find her way back to the correct one. Provided it hasn't caved in while she was gone.

In this way she passes the deafening silence, cooped up in her hole with odds and ends she uses to keep the boredom at bay. Scraps of metal to scrape patterns into the walls, injector tubing to nest and rest in when she tires. Over time she becomes attuned to the smallest of sounds. She has to – the walls of more than one hole collapsing as she rests beside them. _In_ side them.

So when the silence is broken by the padding of far-off footsteps she immediately stirs, frantic and alert as the sound soon gives way to a red gem running through the kindergarten as if she was meant to be there. The whole experience doesn't seem quite real, but Ory stays awake and alert, eyes wide and hands fidgeting with nervous energy. And a few hours later her diligence pays off as she sees this gem running back from the way she came, disappearing from sight.

But she wasn’t a one-off. More and more times Ory sees this strange red gem. There's gaps between the appearances, but eventually she gets a good enough look at her to realize she is a Pearl. A _Pearl_ , just running around out in the open. And sometimes she isn't alone, accompanied by other gems as they head towards the main hubs. Other times, Ory watches a new Pearl following her back.

It’s after a dozen or so of these that she sees a group of Pearls following her back for the first time, their footsteps far more frantic as the group moves erratically towards the way she came. As they approach her hideout, it becomes clear to her why. Two of their group have their hands clasped tightly together, a blue Pearl and an orange Pearl trying to keep pace with the others despite their wounds. The blue Pearl loses her grip as the other Pearl stumbles, sobs as she hits the ground hard and tired. Ory can feel her breath catch as they all slow, circle back as the Pearl who held her hand kneels down to comfort her.

She gathers her up with inexperienced hands and holds her close for a minute that feels like eons to Ory. And when the blue Pearl leans back, Ory’s breathing stops as she watches the soft press of lips as encouragement before they help her up again. This time the blue Pearl wraps her arm around the other’s waist, carrying her weight, and once she's sure she's got her footing, then they continue on their way.

Once they're gone, Ory's gem is aching and she makes up her mind. Gathering up her scraps and relocating further down the wall into a hole just above eye level, she waits for the red Pearl to run by again. And it's a painful period of doubt, of fear she truly has gone cracked and is seeing things she wants to see, before finally the red Pearl appears again.

When she runs towards the hub, Ory stays still and quiet in her hole, never wanting to return there. It's when she comes back alone that Ory slips down from her hole when the red Pearl pauses, as if looking for something.

Her hands twist anxiously in her shawl as she tries to find her voice.

"H-hello?"

She doesn't expect the Pearl to whirl around so suddenly, to swing her fist like a Quartz and shatter rock from the wall where she just stood. But Ory is faster with her nervous energy, skittering back into a nearby hole to escape the blow. She crawls all the way in and presses her back against the stone, willing it to deepen as she tries to muffle the tears that start overflowing and making her nose run.

When the dim light into the tunnel is cut off, she cries out in fear. She must have seen wrong, she must have been cracked to see such things and she will be soon. The thought makes her wail all the louder at her fate.

But when a voice, low and soft, echoes into the hole, she looks up, not quite believing what she hears.

"I'm sorry, are you alright? I must have scared you pretty badly there."

Ory can only stare at her, tears streaming, and she doesn't know what to do, there's nowhere she can run.

When she makes no sound in response, the Pearl sets an arm into the hole to crawl forward. Only for Ory to let out a strangled scream and she immediately withdraws, hands up to show she means no harm.

"Sorry, I'll stay out here.” She moves to sit down outside the hole, leaving enough space that if Ory so chose, she could get out and run off.

Ory watches her for a long time, frozen at the back of the hole as she waits for this Pearl to do something, anything, as her sniffling subsides.

"I'm Crimson, by the way," she offers. And that piques her interest.

"...you have a name?" Voice so small she isn't sure this Crimson can hear her.

"All the Pearls in the rebellion do. Each of us chose our own."

And Ory's not really thinking anymore. "L-like those two Pearls who helped each other?"

"The two Pearls?" Crimson inquires.

"They...they, um, th-they held hands and one tripped." It takes a moment for the description to click.

"Oh, you mean the Pearls who followed me back last time? Yes, one of them does: Tangerine. Aura hadn’t even finished handing her the clipboard before she decided." A small laugh. "The other hasn't settled on one yet."

"That sounds nice..."

Crimson can hear her sniffling and though it sounds lighter, she still makes no move out of the hole. So she continues their small talk, telling her about herself, about the rebellion and what they do there, and before Ory knows it she's in the hole with her, watching projections of the Renegade, of Blue and Yellow, of little memories Crimson cherishes from around the base.

"If you don't mind, how long have you been out here?" When Ory’s shoulders ease and tears ebb.

"U-um..." She doesn't know what is safe to tell her, doesn't want this Crimson to know she's been watching, but in truth, "It's...been a while. I-I can't really tell the time apart anymore."

"You're welcome to come back with me if you want. It's no hole, but its home."

"Home?" Thinking it a shortened form of Homeworld.

"A place with the gems you care about, and who care about you."

"Oh..." And Crimson isn't expecting the sparkle in her eyes to go out, for tears to start building once more in deeply honeyed eyes that seem so exhausted. "I...don't have anyone like that."

"Well, you have me now, don't you?" Her hand hovers above Ory's knee, Crimson's eyes focused on her expression as she lowers her hand to rest gently on her.

"Y-you...you'd care about me?"

And Crimson smiles, holds her hand out for Ory to take.

"What kind of home would it be if I didn't?"

Ory's blinking back tears as she shakenly takes Crimson's hand for a moment, before letting go to cleave to the other Pearl, arms latched on tight as she doesn't know what else to do but cry in gratitude when she feels sure arms wrap around her back.

Crimson holds her together as she cries herself out, slumping against her exhausted for stars-knows-how-long until she can find the energy to move again. A small murmur like laughter echoes against the stone as they awkwardly half-stoop half-crawl their way out of a hole much too small for both of them.

The sun is peeking over the horizon line as she stands tall away from her hiding place in the wall for the first time since coming here and feels a stray breeze stirring her shawl, catching and flaring it out around her as Crimson stretches her legs for the journey.

And Ory can't help the hopeful smile that works its way back onto her lips as she follows closely behind Crimson to the place that she calls home.


	5. Refraction (1)

It took Snow ages to gather up the courage to talk to Crimson, guilt eating away at her with each passing day. She didn’t feel right asking Crimson for something like this—she still felt so new to the rebellion, like she’d barely begun to contribute—but she had to. Prism needed freedom far more than Snow ever had. And there was only so much she could do from here.

Sneaking looks at the security cameras they’d managed to hack and watching for intercepted communications involving Prism’s owner had yielded next to nothing. Just a couple images where she could see the familiar silhouette that made her want to whisper Prism’s name like she used to, make her raise her bowed head. But lately there had been nothing, and even though she knew Prism was probably safe from shattering at this point in her service, it didn’t bode well. She needed to know what was going on, needed to get a message to her so she’d know Snow hadn’t just vanished forever.

And Snow needed to know _Prism_ hadn’t vanished, because “probably safe” wasn’t nearly as reassuring as she tried to make it sound in her head.

She was sitting with Lavender and Millie in the common room, the three of them stealing glances at Silver like usual. Silver was leaning flirtatiously over Chroma saying something they couldn’t quite see but that they all tried to guess, giving way to blushing laughter as each suggestion got more ridiculous.

Silver was an attractive gem, and Snow liked the pleasant distraction of the crush, liked the comradery with her two friends as they all bonded and shared thoughts that not so long ago would have been unacceptable for Pearls like them to consider. Snow had no illusions about it going anywhere for any of them—not that it _couldn’t_ , but Silver wasn’t looking for anyone else as far as they could tell. Snow didn’t mind that.

When it came down to it, Snow had Prism. That was no secret to Millie or Lavender or even Silver, but rather something of an inside joke in the rebellion—Prism, Snow’s beautiful imaginary girlfriend who would come to join them one day. And Lavender and Millie might not have really noticed yet, but they were far better suited to each other than they were to Silver. But maybe they needed distractions too, so Snow tried not to push too hard. It was good to share something fun in the midst of all the dangers around them. Silver was a comfortable presence that she wanted to stay close to, wanted that steadiness as she adjusted to her new life, wanted that proof that Pearls could be safe and in love and unashamed of their feelings.

But it was always Prism who she wanted, who she found her thoughts drifting to even as she admired Silver and laughed about silly things with Millie and Lavender.

Soon, Snow saw Crimson coming in, returning from some small excursion and saying hello to everyone before slipping off in the direction of the living quarters.

Snow saw her chance and quickly got to her feet. “Sorry, be right back.” She rushed over to Crimson, managing to catch her right outside her room, before her hand even made it to the door panel. “Excuse me, ma’am!”

The other Pearl paused, blinked at her for a moment, then smiled. “Hi, Snow. You, um, don’t have to call me that.”

“Right.” Snow scuffed the toe of her shoe lightly on the ground, mentally berating herself for starting out polite. Crimson never seemed comfortable with polite, or at least not that particular brand of polite.

“Is there something I can do for you?” Crimson prompted gently.

“I…” She gulped, doing her best to meet Crimson’s steady gaze. Asking for help seemed wrong, even if she didn’t have another option. “Yes, please. If that’s okay.”

She nodded. “I’ll see what I can do. What is it?”

“There’s a Pearl I know who’s still in service. And, um, it would mean a lot to me if you could keep an eye out for her? I—I know you’re busy and there’s lots to do with the Crystal Gems and everything. I’m not asking you to divert resources or go out of your way to look for her, just…if you see her.”

“Absolutely,” Crimson replied without hesitation. “What’s she look like?”

“Oh! Peacock coloring. Her gem’s on her left ankle and she’ll be easy to spot—she’s the only ringed Pearl around, I think.”

“Ringed? You’re right, that is unusual.” She nodded. “I’ll make sure to remember when I go out then. Is there some kind of message you’d like me to pass on?”

Snow fidgeted a bit. “Just tell her I’m safe and—no, never mind. Just tell her I’m safe.”

“Alright,” Crimson said sympathetically. “Do you think she’ll want to come back with me?”

“She wants to,” Snow agreed quietly, “but it’s more complicated than that; I need to come up with a plan. Right now, I think all I can do is make sure she’s alright.”

“I understand.” She smiled, placing a hand on Snow’s shoulder lightly. “It’s no trouble.”

“Thank you so much, Crimson.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” Snow repeated, feeling a little bit lighter as she tapped her knuckles against the gem on her back. “Her name is Prism, by the way. We picked them, before.”

“I did wonder about that when you joined,” Crimson commented. “Good for you.”

A happy blush rose to her cheeks and she nodded before excusing herself and heading back over to Lavender and Millie.

Crimson would find Prism, and then maybe, _maybe_ they could finally have their freedom together.

* * *

Two weeks passed.

Snow kept trying to tell herself that it didn’t mean anything. There were plenty of reasons Prism might not have crossed paths with Crimson. Plenty.

She should just focus on the rebellion, keep training and cataloguing and helping wherever she could.

Prism was fine. She had to be fine. Her owner was probably just keeping her busy.

But Crimson caught her eye one day and beckoned her over discreetly after a training session, and the temporary thrill Snow had felt being praised by Silver for her improvement drained away rapidly.

It didn’t look like it was going to be good news.

“I’m sorry,” Crimson began as soon as they had some privacy, and Snow felt sick. “I have been looking for her, but I’m afraid I haven’t seen any Pearl like you described. No one else I’ve talked to has either. Does her owner have a more secluded home or…?”

She shook her head.

“Oh.” Crimson looked at a loss for how to continue. “I _will_ keep looking.”

“Thanks,” Snow managed unevenly.

“You know, we could—”

“Excuse me,” she blurted out, stumbling backwards a few steps. “I-I need to go.”

Snow rushed from the room as fast as she could, tears burning hot in her eyes. She didn’t know where to go, didn’t want to have to go through the main hallway to get to her room, didn’t want anyone seeing her break down. So she ended up in one of the storage rooms, one that held a strange mishmash of furniture available to replicate for any of the other rooms. Snow dropped to the floor as soon as she got the door shut and curled up small beside it.

Prism was gone. What kind of idiot had Snow been to think they could do it like this? That it would be better for her to run first and then come back for Prism? She should have waited. She should have waited so they could run together, however difficult it would have been. She should never have left Prism alone, not when she knew things had been getting worse and worse for her lately.

She’d never even know what happened to her.

Loud sobs were wrenched from her throat even as she tried to keep quiet. All she could think of was the fleeting brush of hands, the fond glances traded as they stood near each other, the sound of Prism’s quiet laughter. Her eyes always sought out Snow when they were in the same room, whether or not they were able to sneak away for a moment or two on their own, and Snow had lived for those little specks of joy in her otherwise unextraordinary life.

She’d _dreamed_ of the day Prism would come here, had wanted to see her reactions to all the new things they were allowed to experience as rebels, had hoped to introduce her to Millie and Lavender and everyone else, had thought there wouldn’t be anything better than just being able to _exist_ next to each other without any kind of restraints on them.

She’d wanted to say “I love you” at a normal volume. She’d wanted to say her name hundreds of times and not have to worry that someone might hear. She’d wanted to kiss her, someday.

Prism was gone, Prism was gone, Prism was gone.

And Snow was useless. She’d had the nerve to think she had time, instead of just going and _rescuing_ her as fast as she could.

There was a quiet knock on the door, and Snow jumped.

“Snow?” Lavender called. “Can we come in?”

She didn’t really want them to, but she didn’t like being alone either.

“Please?” Millie added.

Snow sniffled and scrubbed her hands over her face roughly. “Door’s open,” she called back, knowing full well that she wasn’t fooling anyone with the way her voice cracked.

There was a soft swish and the other two slipped in, closing the door again behind them before sitting down on either side of her.

She took a shuddering breath, shoulders drawn up uncomfortably as she tried to hold herself together.

“What happened?” Millie asked, fingers falling lightly on Snow’s arm. “You disappeared on us, and then Silver came and told us you were back here.”

She said it like she hoped that detail might cheer her up, but Snow didn’t even want to hear Silver’s name. It was just a reminder of the silly games that she’d let distract her while Prism was—

Lavender’s hand found its way to the middle of her back, resting just inches above her gem and bringing her back to the present conversation. “Snowdrop.”

“I-I think she got shattered,” she whispered. “I think she’s gone.”

“Who?” Lavender’s hand flitted away, then back. She didn’t seem to know what to do when gems cried.

“Prism.”

“Your ‘imaginary’ girlfriend?” Millie asked, eyes wide.

“She’s not imaginary!” Snow snapped, more tears spilling over as her face grew flushed with anger. “She’s just as real as the rest of us and I wish everyone would stop making that stupid joke!”

“We—We know,” Millie stammered. “I’m sorry.”

“All I’ve been doing is _playing around_ ,” she cried, angrier with herself more than anything. “I should have tried to help her right away!”

“You haven’t been playing around,” Lavender argued. “You’ve been part of the rebellion.”

“And Prism’s been stuck with that awful gem doing who-knows-what to her and she probably thought I didn’t even _care_ …” Snow trembled. “I should have waited for her. She—She told me to go as soon as I had the chance, but I could have stuck it out and—”

“Snow. _Snow_ ,” Millie said urgently, talking in the very stilted way she did when she was trying hard to keep her speech steady. “Stop. You ssstaying in service and sacrificing your own freedom wouldn’t fix anything.”

“She’s right,” Lavender agreed. “Your hands would be tied if you’d stayed.”

“What does that matter when I couldn’t help her anyway?” Snow sobbed. “At least I c-could have been with her a little longer.”

Neither of them seemed to know what to say, and she couldn’t blame them. Snow had always been careful not to dwell on these sorts of topics. They’d had plenty to adjust to already, and Snow was hardly going to put anything heavier on their shoulders for them to deal with.

“What happened to her?” Lavender asked quietly, lip catching in her teeth as she waited for an answer.

“I d-don’t know. I’d been watching for her on the cameras and she stopped showing up.” Her fingers curled tight into her fluffy collar. “So I asked Crimson to look for her, but…”

“She didn’t find her?”

Snow shook her head. “No one’s seen her and it’s been too long now. She must have…”

“Maybe not,” Millie said, and even if she didn’t sound very hopeful, Snow appreciated the effort. “Maybe her owner went somewhere.”

“No. I checked.”

She winced, shrugging weakly. “Then—Then maybe she got in trouble and was locked up? I know that wouldn’t be a _good_ thing, but…”

“It’s better than being shattered,” Lavender finished, running her hand up and down Snow’s back carefully. “You said she had a bad owner, right?”

She nodded.

“In my experience, most bad owners aren’t actually the type to shatter you. I mean, I know there’s exceptions to that, but…you shouldn’t give up until you find out what really happened.”

“Exactly.” Millie scooted a little closer, resting her cheek on Snow’s shoulder. “We might still have a chance to go get her.”

“We?” Snow repeated shakily.

“Yes, _we._ We’re going to help you find her. Right, Lavy?”

She nodded.

“R-Really?” Snow asked.

“Yeah,” Lavender replied, brow furrowing. “Stars, did you think we _wouldn’t?_ Is that why you never asked?”

“No,” she murmured, hiccupping sobs catching in her throat. “I just thought I could handle it on my own. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to help a Pearl you’ve never even met.”

“Well, that’s silly,” Millie declared. “That’s the whole point of the rebellion, isn’t it?”

“And she’s important to you,” Lavender added. “So we’ll figure something out, okay? The three of us.”

“Okay,” Snow whispered. “Okay. Y-You really think she might be alive?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “But it’s always worth trying, right?”

And all Snow could do was nod through her tears and whisper thank yous that weren’t nearly enough.


	6. Refraction (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the conclusion to this little two part story! Snow and Prism are a joy to write and I wanted to post this now, since they won't really be in the spotlight in the main fic for a while. They'll definitely be showing up in more side stories in the future though!
> 
> Be sure to check out clawrenceon's lovely designs for these two! [She made them both so gorgeous~](https://clawrenceon.tumblr.com/post/170470767000/with-a-rescue-mission-underway-in-refraction-part)
> 
> \---
> 
> Chapter Content Warning for implied torture. (No explicit details, but I don't want anyone to go in unaware just in case.)

As soon as Snow had calmed down a little and cleaned herself up, Millie and Lavender took her straight to Crimson.

“Of course you can go,” their leader said immediately when Snow finished explaining.

“Really?” she asked, her voice still a little shaky.

“Absolutely. My only request would be that you take someone else along to watch your backs, since none of you really specialize in fighting.” Crimson smiled, a hint of amusement sparkling in her eyes. “Maybe Silver?”

“What?” Snow shook her head, even as Millie and Lavender perked up. “No, you need Silver, she’s the best. The best fighter, I mean!”

“And this is exactly the kind of thing we need her _for_ ,” she laughed. “Unless you’ll find her too distracting.”

Millie’s elbow jabbed into Snow’s side none too gently.

“N-No, that’ll be perfect. Thank you.”

Crimson nodded, saluting briefly as they headed back in the direction of the training room. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help.”

“Thank you so much.”

* * *

Silver was, unusually, not doing her after-training cooldown as she always did. Instead, she was attending to the practice weapons, scrubbing them with a cloth until they shone. “ _Snow, hey_ ,” she projected as soon as she saw them come in. “ _Are you alright?_ ”

Snow nodded. “Sort of. I, um, I was wondering if I might could have your help with something?” Her face burned as she said it, not because of _who_ she was asking but that she was asking at all.

“ _Sure, what is it?_ ”

“There’s…someone I need to save. If I can. If…If _we_ can.”

“ _Prism?_ ” The name flashed up with no pause whatsoever, and Snow’s gem warmed at her back at the realization that Silver had paid attention to a detail like that.

“Yeah, Prism,” she confirmed. “It might be dangerous though.”

“ _Then we should go as soon as possible, right? Let’s make some plans._ ”

No hesitation, no questions, just _let’s do it._

Snow nodded, giving her the biggest smile she could. “Thank you, Silver.”

* * *

They took only a couple days to figure out their strategy. It wasn’t anything complicated, mostly just a lot of sneaking around, but none of them wanted to go into it without being fully prepared. Rescue missions were precarious, and if Prism was still alive then they had to be sure they didn’t put her in danger by mistake.

Snow just clenched her fists and hoped—through every discussion, through the request to Chroma to help them bypass security codes, through studying schedules, through their first steps out of the base, through the long walk to Facet Three—that this wouldn’t end with only an empty room where Prism had once stood.

When they finally reached their destination, when they were finally able to fake access into the quarters and look around, Snow nearly dissipated with relief.

Prism’s eyes seemed dulled as she raised them slowly to the entrance, but a strangled little gasp escaped her lips when she saw Snow there and she looked like she wanted to run to meet her.

But she didn’t.

She was like a statue in the corner, completely still even as Snow rushed over to her.

Snow could tell that something was horribly, horribly wrong, so she stopped a foot away instead of embracing Prism like she would have hoped to. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” she whispered, unable to take her eyes off her, searching for and finding each of Prism’s tiny freckles exactly where she remembered amongst the deep blues and greens of her skin.

Tears spilled down Prism’s cheeks in a rush. “Same here.”

And her voice was too thin, her lips were barely moving, but Snow loved them all the same.

“Friends?” Prism asked softly, eyes flicking to the other Pearls that had followed her.

“Yeah. Yeah, they’re friends. They helped me get here, and we’re all gonna help you get out of here.”

Something in her eyes went dark again. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean? Of course you—”

“Collar.”

Snow’s eyes dropped to the spiky, menacing thing that was clamped tight around Prism’s neck and buzzing intermittently with electricity. She’d been trying to ignore it.

“I can’t move that much…it sends shocks. It’ll destabilize me.”

Stars, she felt sick. “Prism…” Snow glanced back at the other three. Millie and Lavender seemed speechless, and Silver was biting her lip so hard it looked like it might tear.

“ _We’ll look for a way to turn it off_ ,” she decided. “ _Come on, you two._ ”

“There’s no way to turn it off,” Prism said in a small voice. “There’s only one control pad, and…”

“And _she_ has it,” Snow finished bitterly.

“Yes.”

“What if we try and break the collar off?” she asked.

“Then it’d destabilize both of us,” Prism said, eyes going wide with fear. “And alert her that something’s wrong.” She winced a little, just the tiniest twitch of her shoulders, clearly in pain.

“ _Talking_ is enough to activate it?”

“Sometimes.”

“Okay. Okay, don’t talk then. You don’t need to talk.” Snow looked back to Silver desperately. “What do we do?”

Silver held up one finger for her to wait, then walked over to join them. Her eyes flicked down to Prism’s gem. “ _I’m going to ask you something, and you can just say yes or no._ ” She pointed down to her ankle. “ _Does projecting hurt you?_ ”

She drew in the tiniest, stuttering breath. “No.”

Silver nodded, relieved. “ _Okay. Why don’t you talk like that for now? It’s okay if you’re not good at it; I know it takes a lot of practice._ ”

Snow was glad to see that Prism’s ankle was already turned out, positioned in a way that allowed for projecting. She didn’t want to imagine how painful it would be to have to move it.

“ _Thank you_ ,” came out in wobbly letters.

“ _You’re welcome._ ”

“ _You…shouldn’t…risk…_ ” It was a struggle, just one word at a time, and Snow didn’t know if that spoke to the pain she’d been enduring or a genuine difficulty that came with speaking that way. With Silver, it always seemed so natural and fluid.

“Yes, we should,” Snow said quickly. “You deserve to be free too, Prism. And we’re going to figure this out. I promise.”

“ _Time?_ ”

“We have at least an hour before she comes back,” Lavender said, giving her a small smile. “Don’t worry about that.”

“And, um, I know we just met and Snow might hate me for this,” Millie spoke up, “but I have an idea.”

“Hey, I’m not going to be picky right now,” Snow replied. “What is it?”

“What if she…destabilizes herself on purpose?”

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Snow hissed.

“Just—it’s the easiest way to get her out, right? Once she’s dissipated, then we can just walk out with her.”

“Well, why don’t you poof Lavender and carry _her_ around like some stolen trinket?”

“Why am I getting dragged into this?”

Silver clapped her hands to get their attention, and all three of them snapped their mouths shut. She pointed down at Prism’s gem, which was flickering a bit with wobbly fragments of sentences.

“ _I can’t…do that…controls…will alert…and…_ ” Her projection shut off for a moment.

“And it’ll hurt you?” Snow finished.

“ _Used to it_ ,” Prism projected. “ _But…scared…gem can’t…endure it…much more._ ”

She swore under her breath.

“ _What if we destabilize you with this instead?_ ” Silver asked, tapping the normal destabilizer she had strapped to her waist.

Prism’s eyes darted nervously between the other four. “ _Might…work?_ ”

“It’ll hurt way less than that contraption,” Lavender agreed, grimacing as she examined it with narrowed eyes. “And if it does end up setting off some alarm, we can still be gone before anybody gets here.”

“We _are not_ destabilizing her!” Snow protested. “We can find a different way to get her out of it.”

“ _I know we_ can,” Silver said, “ _but the longer we stay here talking about it, the more danger we’re putting her in._ ”

“But…”

“ _I’ll do it._ ”

Snow looked up sharply to Prism’s face. She looked terrified. “You don’t have to.”

“ _Only…way. Trust you._ ”

And she could see the tiniest flicker of the rebellious Prism she adored, the quiet bravery that had prompted her to speak to Snow for the first time, even as silent tears continued to slip steadily from her eyes now. “Are you sure?” she asked in a low voice.

“ _Yes._ ”

“A-And you want me to do it?”

“ _Please._ ”

Snow gulped and nodded. “Okay,” she whispered. She turned to Silver, who placed the inactive destabilizer in her palm carefully. It felt heavy in her hand. She met Prism’s eyes, doing her best to keep up a strong face but unable to stop herself from making one last request. “Can I touch you?” she asked softly, in less than a whisper. “Before you go?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Prism said, even though her face was tense, like she was already feeling whatever pain that would inflict.

But Snow knelt beside her, carefully inching a hand up to where Prism’s dangled, limp. Moving as slowly as possible, she let her hand hover next to Prism’s, touching in the tiniest, least intrusive way possible. The palm under her fingertips, what little she let herself feel of it, was ice cold.

Prism met her eyes, pure and grateful love overwhelming the fear that seemed to have taken up permanent residence inside of her. And, in an instant, she moved her hand, pulling it up slightly and curling her fingers in to catch Snow’s, her nails biting into skin as she clung on tightly. Her arm trembled from the pain, but she held tight, wobbly smile on her lips.

And that was what made Snow cry the tears she’d been holding in ever since she walked into this awful, awful room. She held on too, gently, and gazed up at the other Pearl with watery eyes. She wanted, desperately, to say “I love you” but she couldn’t tarnish those words here, couldn’t say them when Prism still had that horrible mark of ownership around her neck, no matter how true it was. “I’ll be there when you come back,” she promised instead. “I’ll be right here. And we’ll be safe.”

It was hard to tell what Prism was thinking—and stars, she hated that, how distant she seemed—but she just kept holding on. “Snowdrop,” she breathed.

She gathered what little courage she could muster and rested the head of the destabilizer on Prism’s stomach, placed far enough from her gem to minimize the shock yet still a central part of the body so she’d dissipate quickly. Snow let her hand slip from Prism’s and instead placed it palm up on the floor beside her gem. “I’ve got you, I promise. I’ll see you soon.”

There was both love and panic in Prism’s eyes, but Snow squeezed hers shut as she activated the destabilizer. Electricity buzzed frenetically above her, and Prism screamed for just the briefest second before vanishing, gem falling into Snow’s open hand.

The collar clattered to the floor loudly, catching for a second on the edge of her hand and shocking her before she shook it off with a shudder. She opened her eyes and drew Prism in close to her chest protectively, resisting the urge to stomp down on the collar. That wouldn’t do any good.

Snow felt Lavender and Millie beside her before she saw them, both of them pulling her gently to her feet.

“Let’s go,” Millie whispered as Lavender eased the destabilizer from Snow’s hand and clicked it off.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Silver said with a faint smile, “ _let’s get her home._ ”

And there was something kind of hilarious about how reassuring she found Silver’s steadiness right then, when Prism was all she could think about and unattainable crushes didn’t matter in the least. So she leaned up on her tiptoes and gave Silver a hug and laughed at the mildly offended noises Lavender and Millie made, cradling Prism close as she let go. “Yeah,” she said, unable to help the faint blush that rose to her cheeks when Silver patted her hair fondly. “Let’s go home.”

Her saying that seemed to make Silver happier than any of the little gifts they’d ever showered her with, and suddenly Snow could understand her so much better. Because _home_ , more than fighting or rebelling or anything, was the important part. Home was why she worked so hard to encourage everyone and make them feel welcome, and that was probably what had made her so attractive to Snow in the first place.

Snow traced careful fingers over the gem in her hand and promised, with everything she had, that she’d help Prism feel at home too.


	7. Mirror (1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be another two part story, with the second part going up next week along with some new artwork! Please enjoy~!

They had always been two halves of a whole, just as their owners were, but somehow they never quite managed the same synchrony in thinking that their betters seemed to.

No one ever noticed that the Pearls were different though. Who’d keep track, after all, if the Pearl with her gem on the right side was more talkative, or if the Pearl with her gem on the left usually held back and observed? Who would care?

The first Pearl told stories, grand stories, about Homeworld’s victories, details memorized from files and embellishments created ever so delicately and carefully in her own mind. Enough to be interesting, not enough for anyone to notice that this Pearl showed far more imagination than she should be allowed.

The second Pearl worked hard, listened hard, and watched every movement. Other Pearls thought she did this because she planned to run, but she watched because she planned to stay. They would both stay, and they would both be safe in their mediocre little lives.

They couldn’t complain about their position. Topaz was not demanding—if anything, had they not been separated by caste ten times over, they might have been the only gems who could understand each other. They could let their guards down just the tiniest bit when it was only the four of them, think passing thoughts about love. Even if they couldn’t call it that, because fusion was just supposed to be fusion.

But it wasn’t, and these two Pearls knew it better than any others. So what if it was “sentimental” for their owners to feel the way they did? No one had to know, not in private.

The Pearls were grateful for the sentimentality, because it meant that Topaz and Topaz allowed them certain things they knew were forbidden to other Pearls. They could stand a little too close, they could brush fingertips, they could talk in whispers, as long as it all stayed safely in their quarters. Outside, you had to pretend you didn’t care about the gem that completed you.

Mercury—though she would not call herself this for quite some time—knew they were lucky to have been handed such a secure fate. Topaz was kind to them. They might not be gems, they might not be able to own anything, but they were allowed each other. That had always been enough for her, and she squashed any thoughts to the contrary. Rebellions were the wishful thinking of Pearls who needed something to cling to. She didn’t blame them for that, but she couldn’t help them either. She didn’t need rebellion. She had Tin, and Tin was her freedom.

But Tin sometimes talked about rebellion, about the pretty blue and deep red Pearls that had passed along its message. Tin wanted it, perhaps not just for herself, but for everyone else. And she wanted it for Mercury, no matter how many times Mercury tried to convince her that she didn’t want it. No, she always said, it was foolish to leave their security for something like that. All rebellions failed in the end anyway. Gems shattered, dreams crushed, and she couldn’t bear to see that happen to Tin. They couldn’t risk what they had to chase projections of things that were too good to be true.

As long as Tin was there beside her, smiling, she’d be okay.

Sometimes, when Topaz and Topaz were resting, Tin would stand close to Mercury, as close as they could get, and her cheek would be warm and soft on hers and the world felt right even as longing she didn’t understand welled up inside her. _Could Pearls even fuse?_ Mercury wondered, but she didn’t dare voice the thought aloud. Topaz might be lenient, but she’d have to replace them if they ever started talking like that.

But it was okay, she was okay not knowing, she told herself. She would settle, as she always had, for what small joys the universe had granted her.

* * *

One day, when they were alone, Mercury pulled Tin to her, bodies flush together, and tried to imagine fusing with her. She was allowed a few daydreams, wasn’t she?

Except her thoughts became all too real in moments, when light glowed from Tin’s gem, and her hand came up to touch the bright warmth of Mercury’s as well. And stars, it was exhilarating, every inch of her and every inch of Tin lit up and just _holding each other_ until they weren’t anymore and…

She was a fusion. Her long fingers found the identical gems on either side of her head to confirm, and a happy, almost tearful, giggle escaped her lips. She was Tin and Mercury, both at once, together. She felt perfect.

Dropping down to lie on the floor, she let her eyes shut as she focused all her attention inward. _Fusion._ It was easier to understand Topaz now, she thought, if it always felt like this. Safe, cared for. Loved? Yes, of course loved, she realized, pressing warm palms to each gem. So, so loved.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there, just trying to figure out her own existence, but it was too long, and the door to Topaz’s room slid open with a hiss that made her bolt upright. There were a few panicked seconds of _I need to unfuse, I have to unfuse, how do I do it?_

But it was too late anyway. Topaz saw her, eyes going wide with shock as she took in the one Pearl in front of her.

“You fused?” she asked, and there was curiosity and sadness in her eyes all at once.

“I-I-I can explain! It was an accident!”

That was the wrong thing to say. Because an accident meant it was something she couldn’t control, and if she couldn’t control it…

“I can’t keep you anymore.” Topaz looked devastated as she said it, but she was already approaching the defenseless fusion, already summoning her weapon. “If anyone found out I let you do this, I’d be separated too. I’m sorry. I’m…I’m so sorry.”

She knew what would happen. Topaz would hit her—hard enough to poof, but not to cause any unnecessary pain. Then they’d be shipped off to the nearest harvesting center and destroyed or repurposed as some other gem saw fit. They would be alone. They’d probably never reform in these bodies, wouldn’t have any hands to let drift together in quiet moments. This existence, this fusion, would die with that separation too.

And all she could think was _no._ She couldn’t stop existing, not when she’d just started, not when she’d just realized all it meant.

She didn’t know how to fight, but she could dodge, and she did, feet sliding on the floor she just polished. Topaz, surprised, spun to face her head-on again.

“Please don’t do this,” she begged. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“No!” The fusion ran for the door, not knowing where she would go even if she did get out, but she had to. Otherwise they didn’t have a chance at all.

And Topaz had to hit her to stop her, knocking her hands away from the door panel so she couldn’t open it. Desperate, she swung a fist at Topaz, nearly managing to hit her.

Topaz, reacting instinctively, hit back. The other fusion was unprepared and sent crashing to the floor, a sickening crunch on the right side of her head.

“O-Oh!” Topaz gasped, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “I-I wasn’t trying to—”

But her senses were too fuzzy to really process anything else. Tin’s presence diminished so quickly in her mind that she expected to come apart, but Mercury was holding on with everything she had as her shaking fingers felt the long crack in Tin’s damaged gem, pushed her back to her feet. She bit back a scream at the pain and slammed her hands onto both of Topaz’s gems—not strong enough to do real damage but enough to make her reel back.

This was her one chance. She opened the door in a rush and stumbled outside. It was easy—almost too easy, maybe Topaz only felt pity for her now—to slam the door shut again and deadlock it. Topaz wouldn’t mind, not really. They’d get to spend more time with each other, more time fused, until someone came to find them.

Mercury was clinging to their fusion so hard she felt like her own gem was the one that cracked, and the only thing on her mind was the urge to find somewhere, anywhere where she and Tin could be together for what would likely be Tin’s last few minutes alive.

And as she dragged herself into an empty room, all she could think was _Maybe we should have run after all._

* * *

It wasn’t happening quickly, not like she expected, but Tin was slipping away as the minutes passed and there was nothing they could do to stop it. It was almost a relief, nearly forty minutes later, when she heard footsteps. Perhaps whoever found them would just finish the job on sight.

But her awareness wasn’t all there and it turned out to be a Pearl that walked in. Not just any Pearl, but their Diamond’s Pearl.

“Oh my—” The yellow Pearl’s hand clapped over her mouth and she reached behind her blindly to close the door before rushing over to the fusion. “Oh my stars, what happened?”

It was too much of a story to tell when she was slowly going numb from pain, and the other Pearl seemed to realize this.

“No, forget that, doesn’t matter. I-I’m gonna help you, okay? I’m here to help. My name’s Caddy, by the way. Ohhh stars, you’re really cracked. Stars, stars, stars. Okay, hold on.” She reached to her gem and pulled out a cleaning cloth and a bottle of adhesive. “I’m going to put this over your gem.”

“Wh-Why?”

“So we don’t lose any pieces that might come off. May I?”

“Yes.” Was she really going to try to help her? Didn’t she know how dangerous that was?

The Pearl made short work of gluing the edges of the cloth around the damaged gem, adhesive sticky and unpleasant in the fusion’s hair. “Okay. Try not to move. I’ll be right back.”

Caddy took off down the hall the way she’d come, searching her mind for some kind of solution. She had to get them to base, or she had to get base to them, but both were incredibly risky and she had a time limit.

“Sky!” she gasped, arriving back outside the Diamonds’ meeting hall. “I need your help!”

“Sky’s not here,” White said by way of greeting, keeping her voice low. “She got sent off on an errand right after you.”

“Shit.”

“What did you need?”

“Somebody to run to base. Like, _right now._ It can’t wait.”

“I can do it.”

“Are you sure?” Caddy threw a quick glance towards the door. “Do we even have time? Are they close to finishing their meeting or do you think—”

“It’s fine, I’ll be fast.”

“White—”

“Don’t argue, just tell me what I’m doing.”

Caddy _wanted_ to argue, wanted to pause and eavesdrop for herself to see how safe this would be, but… “There’s a couple of Pearls in a fusion in the room I’m supposed to be cleaning and one of them’s cracked and she needs healing tears stat. Here’s a map.” She flashed it up from her gem.

“A _fusion?_ ” White shook her head quickly. “Okay, I’ll tell them. You go back and do your job.”

Caddy didn’t wait to see White take off before she rushed back the way she’d come, dropping to her knees next to the fusion as soon as she was back inside. “Help’s coming, okay? Just hold on.”

“I-I’m trying.”

“Atta gem.” She gave her an encouraging smile and then hurried to clean the place like she’d been told, getting it ready for whatever gem would be visiting her Diamond.

It felt like too long before a pair of footsteps approached the room and there was a soft knock. Caddy poked her head out cautiously, catching sight of Crimson, and quickly beckoned her in. Her wavy hair was loose around her shoulders, and she’d shapeshifted on a frilly outfit that didn’t suit her at all.

“Disguise,” she explained when she saw Caddy staring. “This is what I used to wear.”

“Isn’t that the _opposite_ of a disguise?” she asked.

“Don’t worry, nobody’s going to think twice if they see me,” Crimson said dismissively, already halfway to the fusion, whose eyes were struggling to focus on her. “My name’s Crimson and I’m here to help. How bad is the damage?”

“She’s c-coming apart, I can barely feel her anymore,” she gasped out, eyes leaking tears.

“Okay. I’m going to pour this on your gem,” Crimson said, holding up a small vial of healing tears. “It should heal you enough to get you out of here, and then we can give you an immersive treatment when we get back. Good?”

She made a small affirmative noise.

“Okay, thank you.” She hesitated, glancing back over her shoulder. “Caddy, get back to your Diamond, you don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“But—”

“You did a great job. I’ll take care of her now, I promise. Go.”

“Okay. See you later, boss.”

“Can you lie down?” Crimson asked as Caddy left.

“Y-Yeah.” The fusion slowly levered herself down, cushioning her good gem with her arm. “Like this?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” Crimson slowly peeled off the cloth, wincing when she saw the cracked gem. She uncapped the vial and carefully began to scatter tiny drops over the broken gem, not wasting any of it. “You’re doing great,” she said softly as she worked. “You’ve got this. How are you feeling now?”

“I think it’s helping a little…”

“Good. That’s good. Do you think you need another vial? I’ve got five on me.”

“I-If you can spare them…”

“Absolutely, this is what they’re for.” Crimson wasted no time in applying the next four, one at a time with the same steadiness.

It helped, but she could still feel everything threatening to come apart.

“Good job,” Crimson said again, pressing the cloth back over the gem carefully. “Now I need you to tell me if you think you can unfuse.”

“Unfuse?” she asked hoarsely.

“It’s going to be a lot harder to get you out of here if you’re fused. I can make it work, but time is of the essence, so if you think she’s stable enough, I need you to separate.”

She didn’t want to. Healing aside, it felt like letting go was the end. Tin was too fragile, and she had no idea what kind of journey this Pearl was going to be taking them on. But when it came down to it, Tin wasn’t going to survive if she didn’t. “I-I can.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” she said as firmly as she could. “Can you…make sure she doesn’t hit the ground?”

“Of course.” She cupped her hands near Tin’s gem, one over the cloth, one beside it. “Ready when you are.”

It hurt to split, physically and mentally, and it was all she could do not to scream as Tin was pushed away from her. The other Pearl, true to her word, caught Tin immediately, hand pressed to her gem to cushion it and then catch it a split second later when she dissipated.

“She’s alright,” she said quickly, wrapping the cracked gem up carefully and pressing the bundle into Mercury’s shaking hands. “Let’s go.”

It felt like everything was happening way too fast, but Mercury knew they couldn’t waste time and risk getting caught.

“Wait here and get cleaned up as best you can. I’ll scope out the hall.”

She nodded, scrubbing tears and grime off her cheeks so she’d look presentable.

“Who owned you?”

Past tense now. “Topaz.”

“Are we likely to run into her?”

“No,” Mercury whispered. “We won’t.”

“Okay. Be right back.”

When Crimson returned, she beckoned for Mercury to follow her. “Hide her,” she whispered, pointing to Tin.

Mercury had nowhere to put her, not really, so she lifted the cloth carrying Tin’s gem up to her own gem, wincing as the familiar presence entered her rarely-used storage space.

The walk down the hallway seemed like the most dangerous thing Mercury had ever done, but none of the passing gems gave the two of them a second glance.

Quiet, even, careful steps.

If she stumbled, she’d draw attention to herself and they’d realize something was wrong.

She followed several paces behind Crimson, so they wouldn’t look suspicious. The other Pearl held herself with grace, though she looked slightly unpracticed at it, the light steps clearly not what she was accustomed to anymore. She wondered how long she’d been away from _her_ owner.

To her amazement, this almost brazen exit was working. Once they’d gotten a little further along, closer to the Diamonds’ rooms, Crimson made a tiny motion to the left with one hand and disappeared into a corridor Mercury had never noticed before.

Through there, Crimson ushered her into a tiny closet with a near-invisible trapdoor in the wall. “It’s a bit of a drop,” she whispered as she climbed through. “Be careful.”

Mercury nodded, lowering herself in slowly, hands gripping tight on the edge of the opening and then letting go. She dropped about ten feet to land unsteadily just behind Crimson. The other Pearl pressed a button to close the entrance to their escape route and beckoned her along.

The rest of the trip was easier, but no less terrifying. It dipped deep underground for a while, then sloped up to deposit them a ways out from the area Mercury and Tin had lived in.

“Where are we going?” she asked as they climbed out of the passage.

“Over there,” Crimson answered, pointing. “The abandoned district in Facet Eleven.”

“Eleven?”

“Do you think you can make it?” she asked worriedly, looking Mercury over.

“I can,” she said determinedly, even though having Tin inside her gem was making her lightheaded and everything had started to hurt even more after their fusion had separated.

“Alright. Let me know if you need to stop.” She led her over to the side. “There’s an old kindergarten this way that makes a nice shortcut, so you won’t have to do quite as much walking as you’d think.”

Mercury nodded and gritted her teeth as she followed Crimson down the crumbling, uneven path.

She’d make it. She had to.

* * *

When they finally reached the building Crimson called “base”, Mercury’s legs were about ready to give out. It wasn’t really as far as it seemed, but it felt like she’d been struggling along for days.

They were greeted immediately by a very enthusiastic pair of Pearls, silver and gold in color.

“Welcome! It’s so wonderful to have you here,” the golden one greeted her. “We have the healing tears all ready for you.”

“O-Oh. Thanks.” Mercury wobbled a little, having to grab the wall for support.

“ _Careful_ ,” the silver one projected with a smile, slipping Mercury’s arm over her shoulders and grabbing her waist firmly. “ _I’ll take you straight there._ ”

She nodded, immediately regretting it when her head spun.

“ _I’m Silver, by the way_ ,” the Pearl carrying her added. “ _And this is Aura._ ”

“Nice to meet you,” she managed.

“You too,” Aura said, keeping pace alongside them and opening one of the first doors they came to. “In here.”

Inside, there was a large, oval, bowl-like structure, filled nearly to the brim with what must have been “healing tears.”

“You’re both welcome to stay here as long as you need to,” Crimson said. “Your friend should probably stay in for at least a full day.”

“Okay.”

“And there’s a room next door with beds that you can use too,” she added, pointing to the right. “Make yourself comfortable. There’s always somebody around, so feel free to ask any of us if you need something.”

Mercury didn’t really have the energy to take it all in at the moment, so she just pulled Tin from her gem and set the carefully-tied handkerchief in the water.

The other three Pearls left to give them privacy, and Mercury let out a small sigh of relief as she slipped into the water. She ducked her head under and let it soothe her gem, hoping it would do the same for Tin.

When she surfaced again, she leaned back, letting water drip from her hair in tiny rivulets. Her hands came up to cup Tin’s gem and she freed it from the confines of the cloth. Her eyes burned with tears as she took in just how much damage there was. Sure, the more web-like cracks were already beginning to heal, but she could see even now that the impact spot—almost exactly in the middle—had a chip taken out of it, gem struggling to hold together there the way it should.

Please, _please_ don’t let this be it, she prayed, pressing trembling lips to the gem.

_I need you._


	8. Mirror (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two of the story, and with it some more wonderful [character designs](https://clawrenceon.tumblr.com/post/172901706370/with-the-beautiful-conclusion-to-the-two-part) from clawrenceon! She's done such a great job with these two <3

Mercury sat with Tin in the healing tears for two days straight. Occasionally, someone would come by and try delicately to start a conversation, but Mercury found it hard to focus on anything else.

Not to mention that everyone kept talking like they’d decided they _wanted_ to join the rebellion. Mercury was quick to say otherwise, but only because she knew that Tin—if or when she reformed—would be far too interested in doing just that.

It didn’t stop them all from trying though.

Her first visitor had been Crimson, just checking in with her and making sure the tears were working on Tin’s gem. Her second had been Silver, who’d sat with her for a while and made casual conversation. Her third was an unnaturally tall Pearl named Viri she nearly thought was a fusion, who’d given her a hug and offered to sit with Tin if Mercury wanted to go look around base some more. Her fourth was Aura, who brought her a little list of possible names to look through.

She didn’t want a name, she didn’t want to go anywhere, and she didn’t want to talk to anyone but Tin.

But Tin’s gem remained still and quiet all week, and Mercury felt like she was caving in on herself. She’d never been alone like this before.

Tin would have been better at talking to these Pearls. She would have liked it even.

And really, Mercury thought, it should have been her that got cracked. Tin was the one who had wanted this, and she would have been okay without Mercury around, right?

Thinking like that wasn’t going to do her any good though. Right now, her job was to keep watch over Tin, keep applying tears at regular intervals, and hope for the best. Hope hadn’t ever been her strong point, but she’d try.

Tin would come back.

* * *

And she did come back, a bright glow of light past Mercury’s closed eyelids that made her snap to attention. She watched Tin’s gem rise, a little wobbly, from the bed and begin to form her body.

For one terrible, awful moment, the light glitched and stuttered, but then it blossomed into a familiar silhouette. Mercury was quick to hold out her arms, slowing and cushioning Tin’s drop to the bed before carefully pulling back to examine her.

“How do you feel?” she asked cautiously as Tin woke.

Tin looked to her, eyes wide with too many emotions to name. “You saved me,” she whispered.

“O-Of course I saved you!” Mercury gathered her close, her hands as gentle as they could possibly be with Tin’s newly formed body.

Tin brushed their cheeks together reassuringly, hands seeking out a hold on Mercury’s clothes. “Are you okay?”

“Am _I_ okay?” she repeated incredulously.

“Yeah.” She pulled away, bringing both hands up to Mercury’s face. “You’re crying.”

“You _cracked!_ ” Mercury smudged her tears off impatiently, brushing Tin’s hands away. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

“I’m sorry. I-I’m okay, I think.” She touched her gem carefully, wincing when her fingers came in contact with the chipped part.

“Does it hurt?”

“It’s a little tender.” Tin looked around the room. “Where are we?”

“Don’t worry about that right now. Just—Just lie back down; you need to be careful.”

“We’re safe?”

“As safe as we can be.” She watched Tin anxiously. “How much do you remember?”

“Mm…” She reclined against the pillows, eyes still glued to Mercury’s. “I remember fusing and…and Topaz coming back. Everything after that is kind of blurry. Someone…helped us?”

“Yeah. Yeah, they did.” Mercury sighed, settling in next to Tin and letting their shoulders brush. “We’re at the rebellion’s headquarters.”

“We _are?_ ” Excitement leaked into Tin’s voice. “Really?”

She nodded. “They had a way to heal you, so…”

“That’s great!”

“I guess.”

Tin clearly noticed the lack of enthusiasm in her voice, and she fell quiet. “Thanks for taking care of me,” she murmured after a moment.

“What else would I have done?” Mercury asked brusquely. “I love you.”

It occurred to her immediately after saying it that this was the first time either of them had spoken the sentiment out loud.

“You too,” Tin said earnestly, sitting up straight and leaning in towards her. “I love you too.”

Mercury blushed, feeling rather unworthy of the attention.

“I really, really love you.”

“I…”

“This is the part where you’re supposed to kiss me. And I hate to rush the moment, but I’m getting kind of light-headed and…”

“You should lay down.” Mercury gently pressed her back down against the pillows. “And rest.”

“Okay,” Tin sighed, disappointed. She pulled the covers up to her chin.

Mercury gazed at her with a warm but worried expression, then placed a soft hand on her cheek and leaned down to kiss her clumsily. “Now rest,” she declared, flustered.

Tin smiled beautifully and for a moment it felt like nothing had changed.

* * *

“Here’s some ideas for names, if you’d like to take a look.”

“Would you like a tour of the place?”

“We’d be happy to introduce you to everyone.”

“We have a couple spare rooms set up for you already.”

And on and on and on. It was driving Mercury crazy, mostly because she could see Tin’s eyes light up with every offer and she was starting to feel farther and farther away.

_We should have left as soon as Tin was awake._

Except Tin needed more healing treatments and more rest than Mercury could offer if they left, so they had to stay. Tin’s health was more important right now.

The damage to her gem looked much better than it used to and, while she sometimes got headaches or felt dizzy, she was up and about more and more.

Mercury was happy. She was just scared too.

Because the more time they spent with the rebel Pearls, the more Tin seemed to fit in there, despite all Mercury’s efforts to nudge her in the opposite direction.

She was going to lose the only gem she’d ever loved to this cause, and she’d never even had a choice.

* * *

It was Crimson that finally made her pent-up anger and frustration boil over, and it was Crimson who she went to as soon as Tin had fallen asleep after their tour of the base.

“What the hell do you think you’re playing at?” Mercury demanded, marching straight up to the other Pearl’s desk.

“Excuse me?” she asked, taken aback.

“Stop encouraging her to join you!” she snapped. “We didn’t ask to be recruited for your cause!”

“I wasn’t trying to recruit you, I was offering you a place to stay.”

“Well, don’t! Because sooner or later this whole thing is going to come apart at the seams and you’re all going to end up shattered for this damn rebellion, and I’m not going to let you drag her down with you!”

“Listen,” Crimson said carefully, “you’re welcome to your opinion, but maybe if you learned more about what we do here—”

“No! Because the more time we spend here, the more she’s going to want to stay! We are _only_ here until she’s recovered, do you understand? So don’t fill her head with promises you can’t keep!” Anger seemingly exhausted, she just stood there, breathing heavily.

“Where are you going to go?” Crimson asked calmly.

“What?”

“Where are you going to go?” she repeated. “You don’t want to stay here and you can’t go back to your owners, so where are you going?”

“I-I don’t know that yet. I’ll figure something out.” She narrowed her eyes. “What is this, some kind of threat?”

“No,” Crimson said with a faint smile. “I’m only curious.”

“Well, don’t be. Just leave us alone.”

“Okay.”

“…What, that’s it?”

“If you’ve made your decision; I’m not going to push the issue.”

“Well, good.” Mercury turned to go.

“Although,” Crimson added before she could get too far, “I should point out that here in the rebellion, we all make our own choices. You don’t get to decide what someone else does, no matter how much you care about her.”

She turned back to her, eyes dark with anger. “I’m making sure she _can_ make her own choice without all of you trying to manipulate her.”

“I wish you’d understand that we’re not trying to manipulate anyone.”

Mercury widened her stance slightly and squared her shoulders, in the hopes of looking confident and maybe a little intimidating. “Then prove it. Leave us alone.”

“I’m not sure your friend wants to be left alone.”

“She’s not just a friend!” she snapped. “You don’t get it! Not everyone has dozens of Pearls who care about them.”

“I know that,” Crimson said calmly. “And I’m glad you have even one that cares about you. It’s a lot more than most of us started out with. But you’d be welcome here. You could—”

“Don’t say something stupidly sentimental like ‘you could have more.’”

“Alright,” she agreed with a faint smile. “Can I say something else?”

She shrugged.

“I know what it’s like to want to protect someone, especially when they’re the first gem to really…to really know you and care about you.” Crimson hesitated. “You know Silver, right?”

Mercury nodded. “The one that doesn’t talk. Short hair, looks like she’s trying to be a Quartz.”

“That’s her,” she laughed. “For a while, at the beginning, it was just the two of us.”

“Must have been pretty quiet.”

Crimson let out a surprised breath of laughter. “I’m going to let that slide, because it’s the sort of joke Silver would appreciate, but watch it.”

“Sorry.” She made a small mental note of the warning, feeling more relieved than anything that _this_ was the only thing she’d said that came close to crossing a line. “It was just you two?”

“Yeah.”

“But she’s with the fluffy one and the flowy one, isn’t she?”

“Chroma and Aura? Yeah, why?”

“I thought you were trying to be relatable.”

“I _was_ , but that doesn’t mean everything is a direct correlation,” Crimson replied, looking mildly flustered.

“Okay, well…” Mercury shifted her weight to one foot, leaning lightly against one of the chairs. “I’m not really in the mood for it anyway, so I’m just going to go now.”

“Alright. Is there anything you need?”

“We don’t need anything else from you,” she said firmly, turning to leave. “So don’t offer.”

* * *

“You shouldn’t yell at them,” Tin said softly when Mercury returned, tired eyes blinking open.

“You heard?”

“Mm-hm. Woke me up.”

“Sorry.”

The other Pearl shook her head quickly, then winced, bringing a hand to her bandaged gem.

“Don’t do that,” Mercury said, panic jumping in her chest. “You need to stay still.”

“I know, I forgot,” she sighed, prodding gently at the bandage until her hand was tugged away. “I’m not gonna break _that_ easily.”

“Well, I’d rather not take any chances.” There was a small tremor in her hands as she adjusted the pillows.

“…Why don’t you like it here?” Tin asked softly.

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because it’s a bad idea.”

“You don’t have to be so pessimistic about everything.”

“It’s better than being airheaded and getting my hopes up like you,” she snapped.

Tin blinked, more surprised than hurt.

“Oh stars,” she murmured, pressing a hand to her mouth. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t mean that.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m being awful to everyone today, aren’t I?”

“You’re not awful.” She patted the space beside her, beckoning Mercury closer, but all she could do was sit there limply as tears began to run unevenly down her cheeks. “Hey,” Tin whispered, moving closer carefully to place a hand on her head, right next to her gem. “Don’t cry, it’s okay. We’re alright.”

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. “I didn’t mean to say it.”

“I know,” she murmured. “Tell me what you’re _actually_ thinking in there.”

“I-I don’t know,” she cried.

“Yes, you do. You’re an adorable little know-it-all, and you need to stop bottling everything up because you think it’s gonna bother me.”

Mercury hiccupped and fell silent under the tiny strokes of her hair.

“C’mon, you’ll feel better.”

“I—I’m scared,” she choked out. “I’m really scared.”

“That’s okay. I’m scared too.”

“I don’t know what’ll happen if we stay here, but I don’t know what’ll happen if we leave either, and you don’t _want_ to leave and…” She drew in a ragged breath. “I’m so scared. I nearly lost you once already, and I don’t think I could handle it if…” Broken sobs wracked her body. “I c-couldn’t.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Tin whispered gently, wrapping her arms around the other Pearl tightly. “And I know you hate promises like that, but I’m saying it anyway. Okay? A-And if you really want to leave, I’ll come with you. I will. Because I’m _definitely_ not going to lose you just because we disagree on this one thing.”

She just seemed to cry harder, burying her face in her hands. “Y-You want to stay together too?”

“Of course! I—I love you. Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re so happy here, and I thought you might—might have realized you didn’t need me,” she sobbed. “Because you don’t. You’ve never—You’re so brave and you care so much and I’ve never done anything but complicate things for you. You would have run ages ago, you would have had your freedom, and I was stopping you. I don’t know how you can love that.”

Tin’s eyes began to leak tears too. “Because I was scared too,” she said softly. “I liked things the way they were too. I liked knowing we had each other. And…” She gulped. “I guess I was a little afraid that if we got here, you might start to love somebody else, because I know I was the only choice around before…”

“It was never because you were the only choice!” Mercury argued, pushing her away and holding her by the shoulders. “I’ve loved you far too many years for it to be a simple convenience!”

“Oh,” Tin breathed, cheeks flushed with happiness despite her crying. “Me too. _Me too._ It’s you, no matter what.”

“Really?”

“Really,” she said, taking Mercury’s face in her hands. “But we can’t just live in a vacuum, you know,” she continued softly. “We can’t just exist in the middle of nothing and be safe forever. And I don’t want to do nothing with you, I want to do _everything_ with you.”

Mercury gasped a little, closing her eyes and leaning into Tin’s touch.

“I wanna have fun and talk about all the things we never had time to talk about before and be able to do whatever we want and maybe even fuse again. Don’t you?”

“M-More than anything,” she whispered. “But…”

“It’s really scary because it’s new.”

“It’s _dangerous._ ”

“Wasn’t it dangerous before? We just got used to it. We can get used to this too, I know we can. Whatever you want our _this_ to be.”

“Y-You want to stay.”

Tin nodded.

“Why? I-I mean, I know why, but…”

“I guess I just feel like we could be happier here? And I don’t know,” she said lightly, “maybe we can help them. I want to _try_ , even if it doesn’t end up perfect.”

“Y-Yeah,” she said shakily.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. They’re good gems. They’re ridiculously idealistic, but…I guess I’ve always had a soft spot for Pearls like that, haven’t I?”

Tin smiled as Mercury swiped at her eyes.

“And you’re right,” she continued, “it’s…it’s better than just running on our own. Let’s stay. At least for a while.”

“You sure?”

Mercury pulled her into a tight hug, their cheeks pressed together like always. “I’m sure.”

“If you change your mind later, that’s okay too. We can talk about it again.”

“Okay.” She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “Thank you.”

“Are we okay?”

Mercury nodded. “Can we…just lay here for a little while?”

“Sure.” Tin lay down, careful to cushion her head on some pillows, and then pulled Mercury in close, one gentle kiss landing on her forehead. She rested soothing hands on Mercury’s head and back and breathed in deeply when Mercury returned the gesture. _We’re safe._

And maybe it ended too soon when Aura poked her head in a few minutes later to check on them, giving them an apologetic little wave before trying to slip back out, but Tin couldn’t help but have the biggest smile on her face when Mercury sat up and called out to her to wait.

“Do you think we could see that list of name suggestions?”


	9. Images

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, I finally have some more side stories I can post! This one is Caddy and Chroma-centric, and then next month I'll have some Silver/Chroma/Aura stories up.
> 
> **Chapter content warning: Discussion of body image issues**

“Bit of a showoff, that one,” Chroma muttered under her breath, watching Yellow Diamond’s new Pearl flit around the common room en pointe, shapeshifting her hair and clothes into a hundred different variations as she went.

“I don’t know, she seems nice,” Aura said softly from beside her.

“Still...” She saw Aura’s curious, concerned eyes and shook her head. “Never mind. I was just thinking out loud.”

“Okay.”

There wasn’t anything wrong with shapeshifting, she told herself. Yellow Diamond’s Pearl was just having fun, enjoying her freedom in a different way than Chroma was used to seeing. She was new and probably hadn’t even considered half the status-related things Chroma had spent her whole life being made to feel inadequate about.

“I’m going to get back to work,” Chroma decided, seeing that the new Pearl had now begun copying the hairstyles and clothes of the gems around her. “See you later, Aura.”

“See you.” Aura looked like she wanted to say more, but Chroma was already on her feet.

She didn’t want to see a more perfect version of herself reflected in a Diamond’s Pearl.

* * *

“My name’s Caddy, nice to meet you!”

Chroma jumped, startled by the sudden proximity of the new voice. She turned quickly, tools still in hand, to see that Yellow Diamond’s Pearl had somehow found her despite her retreat to the communications room. “Hi,” she said awkwardly, sure she looked a mess after having been lying on the floor to work on the computer. “Nice to meet you too. I’m Chroma.”

“That’s a really cool name!” Caddy knelt on the floor beside her without hesitation. “Whatcha do around here?”

“I, um, do repairs mostly.”

Caddy nodded, leaning forward curiously to look at what Chroma was doing. “Is it fun?”

“Well, I think it’s fun,” Chroma said with a tentative smile. “Depends on the gem, I suppose.”

“Makes sense!” Caddy turned her attention to Chroma’s face instead, still leaning in a little too close for comfort. “Is it okay if I borrow your hair?”

“What?” she asked, taken aback.

“Your hair,” Caddy repeated easily, smiling. “It’s super fluffy cute and I want to try shapeshifting it. Is that okay?”

She wasn’t sure if she was more stunned by the fact Caddy said it was cute or the fact that she was asking permission.

“Or it’s cool if you wanna think about it and give me an answer later,” she added when Chroma didn’t immediately answer. “No pressure.”

“Yeah,” Chroma said slowly. “Later would be good.”

“You got it!” Caddy breezed straight into the next subject, unfazed. “Is there anything you want help with ‘round here? You’re welcome to put me to work when I’m here.”

“I think I’ve got it covered.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Chroma could see the disappointment in Caddy’s eyes and quickly looked away.

* * *

After the first refusal, Chroma had expected Caddy to stop offering her assistance.

She didn’t. Every single visit, she came up to Chroma and asked the same “Anything I can help with?”

And on the third time, Chroma found herself saying yes.

“I could use some help cataloguing our tech supplies?”

“Yeah?” Caddy’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! Absolutely, that sounds great!”

“It’s really not that exciting,” Chroma laughed nervously.

“Sure it is!” She was quick to follow Chroma down the hall. “Isn’t that sorta thing usually Snow’s job though?”

“Yeah, and she always does a good job, but…well…she doesn’t know what everything is called and _I_ don’t know what everything is called, so it makes trying to compile a usable list between the two of us a bit of a chore. I figure it’s easier if I just do it with my own made-up names.”

“Ohh, makes sense!”

Caddy was surprisingly easy to work with, she discovered quickly. She always _seemed_ like she was getting distracted, but she never stopped writing the names and quantities Chroma asked her to put down.

“Did I do good?” she asked at the end, eagerly holding out the paper for Chroma to inspect.

“Yeah,” she answered, smiling when she caught sight of the messy little doodles at the top of the paper of a row of tiny Caddys in different outfits. But below it, all the information was laid out neatly. “This’ll be good, thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” Caddy paused, then tapped the top of the paper. “Which one do you like best?”

“Which one?” Chroma repeated.

She nodded seriously.

“Hmm…” She considered each of the options quickly, then tapped the second one in the line. “This one, maybe?”

“Yeah? I’ll give it a try then.” Caddy shapeshifted the outfit on, gave Chroma a warm smile, and skipped off to find another chore she could help out with before she had to return to her Diamond.

* * *

“Hey, Chroma,” Caddy greeted her cheerfully one day. “Crimson said you could use some help today?”

“Yeah, sure, if you don’t mind.”

“Nope!” She leaned over to get a closer look at the damage to the wall that Chroma was examining. “Just tell me what to do!”

Chroma smiled faintly. “For now, let’s move these boxes over there so they’re out of the way.”

“Gotcha.” Caddy hefted one into her arms and began transferring it to the other side of the room. “S’okay if I borrow your hair for a bit? You never really got around to telling me your answer before.”

Chroma’s gem went cold for a moment. “I’d rather you didn’t,” she said stiffly.

“Oh. Okay.”

The younger Pearl went quiet and, while that was a relief, it made Chroma nervous. Had she upset her? She hadn’t wanted to, but she needed to give an honest answer. If she’d said yes, then it would’ve just give her another unhealthy comparison to make.

But Caddy had just shifted on Sky’s hairstyle instead, continuing to move boxes out of the way as she’d been asked.

“Sorry,” Chroma said, unsure why she felt the need to apologize but the word slipping out before she could stop it.

“For what?” It was a genuine question, no hint of anything but cautious friendliness in Caddy’s face.

She shrugged. “I know everyone else is fine with it.”

“Sure, but it doesn’t mean you have to be,” Caddy answered easily.

“…Thanks.” Chroma picked up another box and began moving them as well.

“No problem.”

They worked in silence for a few minutes before Caddy skillfully struck up a different conversation, and Chroma was finally able to relax a little more in her presence.

* * *

“Would it be okay if I hang out here for a little bit?”

Chroma glanced up to find Caddy standing beside the table she’d decided to work at in the lounge-ish area near Crimson’s currently unoccupied office. “Yeah, of course. Pull up a chair.”

“Thanks.” Caddy seated herself across from Chroma, slumped forward and resting her chin on folded arms as she watched the other Pearl work. Her hair was shapeshifted to match Sky’s again today.

“How’ve you been?” Chroma asked carefully.

“I don’t know.” Caddy’s words were unusually soft.

“Oh.” Was she meant to ask more, or leave it at that? With Caddy, the answer seemed like it should be to talk, but there was no way to know for sure.

Before she could decide on how to approach the conversation, Caddy spoke again.

“Do you ever feel like the way you look isn’t really you?” she asked quietly.

Chroma opened her mouth, then closed it again, not wanting to give too quick and thoughtless an answer. “No,” she said finally. “The way I look _is_ me, and I’ve been putting a lot of effort into learning how to like myself the way I am. I can’t really imagine myself looking any other way now, and I don’t want to either. It wouldn’t help.”

“Oh.” Caddy wilted slightly. “Okay.”

“Do you feel like that?” Chroma asked cautiously.

She nodded, glancing away when she saw the concern in Chroma’s eyes. “I mean, I know we all kinda look alike to begin with, since we’re all Pearls, but everybody else is still really unique.”

“So are you.”

Caddy gave her a half-hearted smile. “ _I_ am,” she replied, pointing to her gem, “but _this_ isn’t.” A loose gesture with one hand indicated her body from head to toe. “Don’t worry about it,” she said quickly when Chroma’s brow furrowed. “Sky says I think about it too much and she’s probably right. Lemme see if Crimson has anything for me to do and—”

“Caddy.” She placed a hand on the other Pearl’s arm to stop her from leaving. “Wait a minute, okay?”

“Um, sure?” She sat back down.

“Are you saying you’re not just shapeshifting for fun?”

“Well, no, it’s for fun too!” Caddy laughed awkwardly, fingers catching in Sky’s hair and fluffing it a little. “It’s definitely fun. It’s just kinda complicated? I don’t know, you really don’t have to worry about it.”

“But it’s…” Chroma faltered. “I made a mistake,” she admitted after a few seconds of silence, “and I owe you an apology.”

“For _what?_ ”

“I…I had thought you were just showing off,” she said uneasily, looking away. “Not in a _bad_ way necessarily, but you know, just doing it because you could.”

“Ohh!” To her surprise, Caddy didn’t look hurt by the admission, she just let her hands slip from her hair back down to the table. “ _That’s_ why you didn’t like me at first!”

“I didn’t—”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Caddy interrupted, catching Chroma’s hands and swinging them back and forth. “It’s actually kind of a relief to hear that, cuz I could never figure out why that was.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, really, it’s okay.” She sobered a bit. “It bothered me before, yeah, but we’re friends anyway now, right?”

“We are,” Chroma reassured her quickly, giving her hands a warm squeeze. “And I’m sorry for assuming.”

“Thanks.” Caddy gave her a small, genuine smile.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly. “What you were saying before—I might not understand it, but I can listen if you want me to.”

“I’ll be okay, no worries.”

“You’re sure?”

Caddy nodded. “I just had a long day.”

“Alright.” Chroma let go of her hands to get up and give her a hug instead. “In that case, how about you stick around and we’ll keep each other company until you have to go?”

“How about you just let me take a nap in your hair instead?” Caddy asked playfully, letting out a dramatic sigh. “It’s so soft and fluffyyyyyy, I don’t wanna leave.”

“Well…” Chroma smiled softly. “I’m sure it’d be even more fluffy if you had it.”

“Nope. Impossible.” She lifted her head from Chroma’s shoulder. “Wait, does that mean I can?” she asked excitedly.

“Mm-hm.”

“Oh! Oh my stars!” Caddy squeezed her tight and then bounced back a few steps to shapeshift. Chroma’s long hair appeared in place of her own, and she twirled around happily. “What do you think?”

And Chroma had spent weeks dreading what her hair might look like on a Diamond’s Pearl, but it didn’t look wrong at all. It just looked like Caddy, smiling bright like it was an honor to get the chance even once.

“It looks good,” Chroma told her, and she meant it.

* * *

After her close call on the mission with Yellow, Chroma knew she needed to make more of an effort to at least try and see if she could improve her shapeshifting. The answer might be no, but she should at least _know_ if the answer was no instead of avoiding it.

And, really, Caddy was the obvious choice to help, even if the thought of asking her made Chroma nervous.

The next time the yellow Pearl was available, she made sure to get her into a more private setting before broaching the topic, making up a quick excuse of needing help with something in the storage rooms.

“So what are we doing?” Caddy asked curiously, looking around.

“We’re… Well, I was actually hoping I could ask you for a favor?” Chroma blurted out.

She looked a little surprised. “Oh, yeah, for sure,” she agreed, searching Chroma’s face for any hint. “Hit me with it.”

“It’s alright if you say no.”

“I know.” Caddy poked Chroma in the cheek gently. “Stop worrying and ask me already, c’mon.”

Chroma let out a soft breath of laughter. “Alright. I was wondering if you might be willing to help me with my shapeshifting?”

“What?”

“My shapeshifting,” Chroma repeatedly nervously. “I’m not very good at it and it got me into a bad situation recently, so I was hoping...”

“Yeah, definitely!” Caddy said immediately. “I’ve never taught anybody before, but I can try!”

“Yeah?”

She nodded happily. “I’d love to!”

“Thanks. Just whenever you have the time is fine.”

“I have time now!”

“Oh, okay.” She hadn’t expected them to start right away. “I guess that works.”

“If you wanna.”

“I do, I do,” she said quickly. “I just don’t really know where to start.”

“Well,” Caddy said, “maybe today we can just talk about stuff? Can you explain ‘not good’? Like, are we starting from scratch or...?”

Chroma shook her head. “No, I can do simple stuff. Clothes. If they’re not complicated.”

“Okay! So like what you’re wearing now, that’d be your upper limit?”

“I guess so? It’d be hard to shift this if it wasn’t how I reformed though.”

“Gotcha.” Caddy stared at her for a moment, thinking. “What about your hair?”

“I can’t do much with that, it’s always like this.”

“Okay! But what about, like, keeping it the way it is but putting it in a ponytail or something?”

She shook her head. “I do that physically.”

“Okay. Hmm…and colors?”

“The Aura and Silver colors were…difficult,” she murmured, touching the belt at her waist. “Though I think once I got the first part, the rest came easier. Still took me a while to get it the right color and in place the way I wanted it though.”

“Makes sense. And it looks really pretty, by the way!” Caddy added. “You did a good job with it.”

“You think?”

“For sure! You’ve got more potential than you realize, I bet, even if it’s hard work getting there.”

“…Thanks.”

Caddy nodded, taking up one of Chroma’s hands between both of her own. “And you’ll tell me if I’m going too fast or something’s too hard or something, right? Like I said, I haven’t taught before, and I don’t want to end up making you feel bad by accident.”

Chroma nodded. “I’ll try to speak up if that happens.”

“Good.” She squeezed Chroma’s hand before letting go. “Then I’ll think up some lessons and we can start next time. If this is something that’ll make you happier in your own body, then I want to help as much as I can.”

“Thank you, Caddy,” she replied, smiling. “And if there’s ever anything I can do for you in return…”

Caddy shook her head. “Just keep on letting me experiment. I’ll figure myself out eventually, I think.”

“You will,” Chroma reassured her.

“Thanks.” Caddy smiled and stretched. “Well, I’m gonna go make the rounds, I think, if you don’t actually need me for any work. Your first assignment is to shapeshift more often, okay? It doesn’t have to be anything big, just get familiar with how it feels. Sound good?”

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to practice.”

“Yay! See you later, Chroma.”

“Later, Caddy.”


End file.
